waving the white flag

I am not sure when it happened. Maybe it was overnight. Maybe it was gradual and I just did not notice. But, clearly, something has happened.

My daughter has become a tween.

I choose that word because the other words that I could write would not be very nice. We have good days, and we have bad days. Or, rather, we have good moments and we have bad moments. And, often these moments can overlap in a way that makes me say, "What the heck is going on here?" I mean, how can you have total peace and bliss in one moment and then the very next you find yourself spiraling into arguing and emotional meltdowns and sass that makes all other sass experienced thus far feel like good manners.

A couple of weeks ago I found myself in my room, hiding. Just trying to collect my thoughts because I seriously did not know how to be in the same room with my daughter without my head exploding. She triggers me in a way that I have never been triggered before. The sulking, the posture, the body language, the resistance, the arguing - when did this happen?

I sat on the edge of my bed and all I could do was pray.

The same words over and over.

"Help me, God. Give me wisdom."

"Help me. Give me wisdom."

"Help me."


So, this is my current reality. I know it is a new season of development and that it is somewhat normal. I know that it has a lot to do with her peers. I know she has hormones changing. I know we are a lot alike and that does not help.

And, I know there are things I can do to be proactive - I can put tighter limits on her time with peers. - Because it is clear that when she spends that much time away she comes home a little crazy. I can take her on dates and try to just be with her so that we have a little bit of currency in our bank of trust and good times. I can pray for her. I can breathe deeply and smile and think about how these are moments where I get to show her unconditional love. I can intentionally seek to carve out space with beautiful girls that will rub off on her in a positive way. And, as always, I can search for tools and knowledge.

I am on a quest right now to find books that will empower me in raising my girl. The stakes are so high. I know that I blow it nearly every day and I pray each night that my mistakes would be covered in grace. But, I want to be intentional in seeking to have the tools before I am in crisis mode and melting down.

One book I have discovered and am devouring is "Help Wanted: moms raising daughters" by
Darlene Brock. Her description of the book is such a great introduction to this great resource:
“This book is about what I learned - about the jobs you need to master, the advice from other women that helped me, as well as some realities about the life and culture we live in that informed my perspective. You can take on the most difficult job in the world – raising daughters – and not only live to tell about it, but smile along the way.”
- Darlene Brock

Isn't that the truth. We wear so many different hats in our day to day lives as moms. Coach. Creative Counselor. Time Manager. Tutor. Counselor. Sex Ed Teacher. Bodyguard. Chauffeur. Chef. Cleaner. FInancial Consultant. Military Strategist. The list goes on and on.

What I love about this book is that it is honest and offers humor, compelling stories and creative solutions to this task that stretches before us. The absolute core of this whole thing for me is - I love my girl. So much. And, I want to honor this role that I get to be in. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of how thankful I am for the title "mom". It was a title I fought hard for. It did not come to this house easily. And, it will be the most rewarding and most challenging thing I have ever done. And, man, do I ever want to smile along the way.

[We are going to be giving away a copy of this book this weekend! Come back on Sunday to enter the giveaway!!!!]

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