SUNDAY GIVEAWAY: Creativity for Kids Diva Puppies

We have another great giveaway this week from Creativity for Kids. This kit comes with all the supplies needed to create 3 super fun puppy pals. Your kiddos will be able to dive into paint, sequins, flowers, ribbons, collars and charms, boas, tutus, fur and a soft, furry bed for nap time. We are big on puppies in this house (and I am big on the kids having puppies that do not poop).

Added bonus - these bobble-headed puppies do not need to be potty-trained (music to any mama's ears, right!)

To be entered to win a Diva Puppy set, please leave us a comment answering the following question:

"What is your favorite puppy name?"

How to earn additional entries:

1. Follow our blog (publicly) and leave another comment (or let us know if you already are).

2. Subscribe to the Mama Memo and leave another comment (or let us know if you already are).

3. Blog about the giveaway, and link back here. Post your blog entry before you comment.

4. Add the Mama Manifesto button to your sidebar.

5. Follow us on Twitter and Tweet about this giveaway: "Giveaway- Win a Diva Puppies Kit from @MamaManifesto. Enter at mamamanifesto.com"

6. Become a fan of Mama Manifesto on Facebook by clicking the button on the left.


[This giveaway will be closed Saturday at 11 p.m. and the winner will be announced next Sunday!]

And now for the winner of last week's giveaway:
{{{misaacmom}}}

Congratulations! Shoot us an email by 11/7 to mamagiveaways(at)gmail(dot)com with your prize in the subject line, and we'll hook you up! Keep checking back for more great giveaways!

Mama Love

... I have lots and lots of love for my Capresso coffee maker and milk frother. I am a big fan of coffee drinks with steamed milk, but not such a fan of the price tag at the coffee shops. The Capresso FrothPro is amazing. Just pour milk in, put the lid on, and press the button for Cold Froth, Hot Froth, or Warm Froth (for kids' drinks like cocoa). It warms the milk and froths it for you. If you don't want your milk frothed, but just heated, you can use the heating disk instead of the frothing disk. It kind of makes me happy to wake up in the morning.
(Kind of.) This is a great gift idea for anyone who likes warm beverages.

... I'm loving the redesigned look of crocs. My kids

have always been big fans of crocs, and I have loved the ease of getting them on and off and how practical they are as children's shoes. But, now they are looking more hip too. My son likes their new boots, and my daughter is smitten by the pink mary janes. But, these Berryessa boots were the biggest surprise to me. Way to go, Crocs.

... I love this post from Julie on the power of our words. Such good food for thought.

... The Jesus Calling Devotional book is amazing. I LOVE the simplicity of the daily reading, and am amazed at how EVERY day it feels as though it was written just for me. There is a version that has just been released for children, and it is equally fabulous. If you are looking for something to help you lean into peace every day, this is a great book for you and your kids.

... This paper pumpkin tutorial from WhipperBerry is Fall loveliness. We'll be making one of these this weekend.

... We wish you a very safe and Happy Halloween.

I cannot wait to raid my kids' candy loot and fish out all my favorites. My favorites are Twix and 100 Grand. What about you, mamas?

A Question of Contentment

I think that I am living with Jekyl & Hyde. Seriously. It seems absurd that in the time span of .0003 seconds the mood between my children can go from loving each other wholeheartedly, stroking each other's faces with fairies flying above their heads sprinkling "happy dust" to a scene from Kujo where the dog is hunting down people and snarling and biting and breaking through windshields to get to them. It is actually unbelievable! And, it is no longer just fighting over toys (we have about 30 cars in our home, and the most coveted one is whatever one the other kid is holding!), it is as though they are fighting over who gets to breathe first. They fight over who gets to open the front door when it is time to leave, they fight over who gets to the car first, they fight over who gets to brush teeth first, they fight over which bar stool to sit in. Yesterday, I witnessed these two precious children fighting over my cottage living magazine, which neither of them cares about at all. It was just the only thing within arms reach when the "selfish moment" kicked in. I mean, seriously?

I sat watching them this morning and what I witnessed broke my heart. What I saw were two little people who were so caught up in watching what the other person was thinking about playing with next so that they could get there first, and simultaneously trying to look as though what they were holding in their hands and playing with was THE most fun thing in the whole world in order to spark some jealousy in the other. My daughter was scanning the room like a hawk and shrieking with a totally unnatural volume, "Oooohhhh, my little pony, hee hee hee, you are the most beautiful pony, hee hee hee..."

Before you think I am totally melodramatic in my saying that this "broke my heart", let me explain why. It is because it was as though I saw in their interaction the entire picture of our culture at large. I saw two little people who are so blessed with ample things to be thankful for, and the opportunity before them to live in a moment of bliss and happiness, so caught up with sizing up what the other people around them were doing, seeing and wanting that they literally were missing the joy in front of them. They were missing the opportunity to play together, to enjoy one another.

Quite frankly, I saw myself. -I miss out on so much when I am looking at everyone else. I miss out on the magic in my child when I am looking at other kids to see how my child is developing in comparison to them...I miss out on the wonder of the stage that we are in (newborn, toddler, preschool, etc.) when I am focused on what is coming next and how that will be so much easier...I miss out on recognizing that I am a well-made woman with body parts that all work and the ability to walk down the street with my head held high when I am busy comparing my thighs with the woman's thighs who is walking in front of me (who is probably comparing her tummy to the gal next to her)...I miss out on savoring the sun shining down on my face as I sit in my backyard with my kids when I am looking across my yard trying to picture how great a built in bbq and outdoor fireplace would look in place of patchy grass...

I. miss. out. on. so. much.

...but the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three on them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in a hurry to get on to the next things: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.
-Anna Quindlen

Talk Back: behavioral charts

There are two tools in my parenting toolbox that make my life a lot easier. I’ve explained the tattle tally before. I am happy to report that it is still working and there is rarely a tattle in my house.

We also do behavioral charts every day. I was just sitting down to email them to a friend, and thought I would share them here. If you are interested, click here to go to a google doc of my family’s reward chart and tattle tally. (Obviously, copy and paste them and customize them for your own family).

Each night after dinner, we have a little meeting where we go over the “star charts” and tattle tally. Each child has six areas they work on each day. For example, right now Jafta is working on putting his shoes/backpack away, staying in bed all night, not fighting with siblings, respecting adults, first time compliance, and table manners. Once he gets seven stars in each area, he earns a prize. We keep the prizes on a shelf just above the charts as motivation. The prizes are usually something from the dollar bin at Target, or something I know I’m planning to buy them anyway (school backpack, new pajamas, Halloween costumes, etc).

The kids are very motivated by the star charts. We make a big deal of every star they get, clapping and hugging. They love it. We even made one for Karis because she gets so excited for this nightly routine. Once a chart is completed, they get to hang that chart on their bedroom door. I think they like that part as much as the prize.

The best part, though, is the way it modifies behavior. During the day, I can use the star chart as a warning any time they are acting out. “You are going to lose a star if you continue that” is a oft-spoken phrase around here.

Do you do any kind of behavioral chart? What has worked for your family?

Fabulous Fair Trade Goodies

October is Fair Trade Month, dedicated to raising awareness about the model of equitable global trade that enables fair pay for farmers and workers, sustainable development and community empowerment. The nice people at TransFair USA recently provided me with a batch of fabulous fair trade certified products to sample in celebration.


Green Mountain Coffee's Signature Vermont Country Blend, a favorite of mine when I lived in New England, tasted so good on a recent rainy fall morning! The company decided to take its most popular blend Fair Trade to raise awareness about the benefits of Fair Trade to small-scale coffee farmers. Green Mountain is encouraging drinkers to "trade out" their conventional cuppa for Fair Trade as well.


Last week I posted about shocking child labor issues in the cocoa industry, so I was happy to indulge in some guilt-free chocolate from Divine, the "heavenly chocolate with a heart." Just three squares (okay, five) of its limited edition dark chocolate bar with ginger and orange was as rich and satisfying as dessert at fine restaurant. I'm hiding the rest from the kids.


Green tea offers so many health benefits, but I've had a hard time finding a blend that doesn't remind me of wet sticks. Thankfully, Rishi's Emerald Lily Ancient Tree Green Tea has come to the rescue as my new antioxidant delivery system. This loose leaf tea is smooth and delicious, and even better, sales help support ethnic minority families in China's Yunnan province, where tea has been cultivated for more than 1,000 years.


Sometimes you need a tea for the road that's cold and refreshing. Honest Tea's
Organic Peach Ice Tea promises super-antioxidants with just the right amount of fruity sweetness -- and it delivers. Yum!


Beans and rice are big at our house, so I'm excited to mix things up by trying La Yapa's Royal Red "Quinoa with a cause." Quinoa is a complete protein grain from the Andes region of South America that is gluten-free. La Yapa sources its quinoa directly from over 200 family farms, and donates 10 percent of its profits to help support children in the farmland communities. La Yapa offers recipes on its website; the coconut curry looks like the perfect quick, tasty meal.

SUNDAY GIVEAWAY: Creativity for Kids Special Occasions Fashion Kit

I am so very excited about this giveaway.

Not just because it is a fabulous product.

Not just because it is a "toy" that will inspire creativity and open-ended play (huge values for us over here at Mama Manifesto).

Not just because it is perfect timing for the holidays and one of our readers will get this in time to GIVE it to their favorite little designer. (yay)

I think I am most excited about this giveaway because it reminds me of my childhood. It reminds me of watching my mom sew and knowing in my heart how talented she was, and feeling so proud. Seeing her create inspired me so often. And, she was so great about letting me explore my creativity. I could dive into her buttons, trims, extra fabric, and tear levi's apart to sew purses out of the pockets. She was so patient with me when I needed help RIGHT THEN. Now that I am a mom, I know how incredibly irritating it is to be pulled away from all the things that you needed to get done yesterday to help your child with something that is so not important.

But, to them - it is.

So, you do it.

Yep, my mom is amazing.

This giveaway is too. The Special Occasion Fashions kit is the perfect gift for the creative child who wants to explore designing clothes and sewing. It is perfect for the girl who is constantly accessorizing her barbies. And, I am pretty sure any little girl will swoon when she sees how "big girl" this all is, and that it is her's to explore. It's pretty dreamy. My daughter squeeled, "My very own thimble!" when she saw it. And then, she sat and touched all the different fabrics and trims so gingerly and with little sighs. It felt a little bit like a "little house on the prairie" moment when the girls are given real dolls for the first time. It was sweetly refreshing.

The kit includes a dress mannequin, a satin dress, yards of fabric, trims, sewing essentials, a tape measure, thimble, sketch book, sketching pencils, fabric swatches, satin pincushion, sparkle fabric paint, scissors, veil accessories and more. -Plenty of raw material to play with.

It makes me think of the incredible Anna Marie Horner. (Before you click through to her blog or website, just know that you will fall into a deep, deep blog hole and have a really hard time clawing your way out. She is like anthropologie in a person. Her house is amazing, her talent is huge, and she has a pretty ridiculous love for her family that inspires me every time I read her words. Oh, and she is beautiful and looks way too young to have all the kids she has. And, her kids are beautiful. Okay - you were warned.) I love how she shares quite often that her love of fabric and sewing started when she was a young girl and she would design and sew outfits for her barbies.

So, enter to win by leaving a comment answering one of the questions below (I could not decide on just one). Your child just may become an insanely talented artist like Anna someday too. Or, they will just have a ball poking pins in cushions and creating little "ensembles".

Question #1:

"Did you dig into your mom's crafty stuff as a kid? What did you like to create?"

Question #2:

"What was the day you felt the most beautiful? What were you wearing?"

How to earn additional entries:

1. Follow our blog (publicly) and leave another comment (or let us know if you already are).

2. Subscribe to the Mama Memo and leave another comment (or let us know if you already are).

3. Blog about the giveaway, and link back here. Post your blog entry before you comment.

4. Add the Mama Manifesto button to your sidebar.

5. Follow us on Twitter and Tweet about this giveaway: "Giveaway- Win a Kid's Special Occasion Fashions Kit from @MamaManifesto. Enter at mamamanifesto.com"

6. Become a fan of Mama Manifesto on Facebook by clicking the button on the left.


[This giveaway will be closed Saturday at 11 p.m. and the winner will be announced next Sunday!]

TALK BACK: Banned Books

Driving home one night with some mom blogger friends, someone hatched a brilliant idea.

I'm not sure who uttered it first. It was a collaborative effort, no doubt (we are bloggers after all), but at some point, we determined that someone should really come up with a banned books list.

No, not that one. A practical one... created by parents.

For instance, earlier this week, my son selected this title from the library:


I'm unfamiliar with the Froggy series, but I recognized it from his school book fair so I didn't give it a second thought. After all, it simply looks adorable, right?

WRONG!

The entire book is about Froggy finding every single excuse to dodge bedtime. Froggy needs to take a bath, but not without his favorite boat which is, of course, missing...

Then, he can't find his pajamas or toothbrush. He needs his lovey... and a snack... and a drink. (which he spills everywhere)... and the light just so... and the door cracked that much....

Meanwhile, Froggy's mommy passively goes along with every demand with an "oh-kay" and "oh, that's alright."

So guess what my son did last night?

He was up every five minutes asking for a snack... and a drink... and the lights just so... and the door cracked that much... I, however, was not nearly as benevolent as Froggy's mom.

Another book on our list is Babar. I loved this book as a child, however I seemed to have blocked out the gruesome murder of his parents by poachers in the first two pages. Also, not recommended for bedtime reading, but great for prompting uncomfortable questions.


Then there's The Rabbit Who Longed For Home. Found in a discount bin of a charity shop in London, I should have realized then and there that this is a terrible book.


A scared rabbit is forced to go to daycare, but not without a slight critique of working mothers. Once the rabbit adjusts, his parents pull him out of daycare because they're having a second baby. Lessons offered: Working mom, bad. New baby, more loved and worthy of attention than you.


What would be on your banned book list?

The Bitter Truth About Chocolate

It's almost Halloween. My kids are already shaking with anticipation of the crazy costumes, the parties, and most importantly, the avalanche of candy to come, but for me, the thrill is gone. Last week I stumbled upon a short news item that opened my eyes to the human cost of all that chocolate in their trick-or-treat bags -- and we're not talking cavities.

I'd never thought deeply about chocolate before (beyond its deliciousness, of course) but I've learned that the majority of the world's cocoa comes from West Africa. Harvesting the beans that eventually become the chocolate in your Hershey's Kiss is a labor-intensive process, and the bulk of this hands-on work is done by children, some as young as five years old. Some of these kids come from cocoa-farming families in Ghana and the Ivory Coast, and forgo school to help their parents in the fields. Tens of thousands more are child trafficking victims from neighboring African countries like Mali, who are separated from their families and communities and forced to work in the cocoa fields for little or no pay. There is no polite way to put this; these children are chocolate slaves.

The plight of these children has been on the international radar for the past ten years (though somehow I never heard about it until now.) In 2001, the Chocolate Manufacturers Association and the World Cocoa Foundation voluntarily signed the Harkin-Engel Protocol, sponsored by US Sen. Tom Harkin and US Rep. Eliot Engel. The Protocol represented a commitment by the chocolate industry to develop and implement industry-wide standards of public certification that cocoa beans have been grown and processed without relying on enslaved child labor. In 2005, the US Department of Labor hired the Payson Center for International Development at Tulane University to monitor progress on this initiative. Tulane's most recent report, published September 30, describes some progress but also lists major impediments to improving industry conditions. For example, the Ivory Coast erupted in civil war shortly after signing the protocol; monitoring child labor practices has simply not been the top priority for a nation in post-war recovery. Corporations have also been slow to change. Hershey, America's leading chocolate brand, still doesn't have a system in place to ensure good labor practices in West Africa, and the company refuses to reveal its cocoa suppliers in the region.

Learning the truth about chocolate production is shocking and sad, but there's a lot that concerned consumers can do, especially we parents who find ourselves reluctantly thrust into the role of frequent candy purchasers, particularly at this time of year:

Buy Fair Trade and/or organic chocolate -- Products certified as Fair Trade have met strict criteria for ethical labor practices as well as other environmental, social and economic measures. According to the website Stop Chocolate Slavery, created by a student at UCSD, organic chocolate is also "slave free," since the process of organic certification includes a review of labor practices. You can find a list of guilt-free chocolate brands here.

Join the campaign to encourage Hershey to ensure that children are not harmed in the production of its products -- A coalition of groups, including Green America and Global Exchange, is working to urge America's favorite chocolate brand to be a leader in corporate responsibility. A simple phone call to the company will help.

Most importantly, if the truth about chocolate concerns you, as it does me, tell others. In a world full of problems, this is one that can actually be solved.

Again with the "What’s for dinner?"

D-i-n-n-e-r? It’s the question that plagues me each and every day. On my best days, I have food in the fridge and game plan in place by 3PM. The other 350 days of the year, it’s chicken and salad, spaghetti or my kids’ favorite – breakfast-dinner. Most of the time, it’s fairly healthy. It is always a grind because I am sick-to-death of my own cooking.

That’s why I was overjoyed to be included in the launch of the Disney Family.com food channel featuring famed chef Cat Cora and the Muppets. Love those fur balls.

As for the invite to this soiree?? Someone at Disney must have read about my recent fast food debacle, took pity on me and decided I could benefit from a little cooking help. Alas, I found myself at the Professional Culinary Institute with 25 other mommy bloggers and the producers of Family.com’s food channel. So. Much. Fun.

Together, we recreated some of Cat Cora’s best family dishes, including the Mini Greek Burger Gyros with Garlic Sauce and Spring Greens. It was delicious and easily something my kids would eat. It’s also something that I would have never attempted to try on my own. The mere length of the title would have scared me off. Boy, was I wrong. There are so many ingredients hidden in here (including a couple of my faves – feta cheese and Kalamata olives). These little bites of yumminess are a great new taste sensation with a familiar package that’s impossible for a kid to resist. Your husband? Well, he might just spontaneously do the dishes after this meal.

And, for the budding young chef in your family, Disney also unveiled Hasty Tasty Cooking Tips. These are 3-minute video vignettes that show Cat Cora and Angelo, the Muppet, race against the clock to cook up bite-size recipes. It’s a great way to get the kids involved with the actual meal planning and cooking – which is next on my family to-do list. Mama doesn’t need to be cooking EVERY night, right? Right!

Back to me … the house frau and domestic goddess needing go-to meals that actually appeal to ME. And, since it is against my religion to cook separate meals for picky eaters, I suppose it should also appeal to those other peeps taking up residence here too.

No surprise, my favorite recipes are titled “20 Meals in 20 Minute.” I can do anything in 20 minutes! Heck, if I turn on an iCarly episode for the kids, I can cook dinner and shower too. Here are a few of my favorite quick and healthy dinner recipes from Cat Cora at Family.com:

• Gnocchi with Zucchini Ribbons and Parsley Brown Butter
• Mustard Crusted Salmon
• Tuscan-Style Tuna Salad
• Easy Beef Burgundy (slow cooker)
• Chicken Marsala with Fettuccini (slow cooker)

From one mother to another … thank you, Cat Cora, for refreshing my attitude on dinner. Maybe, I’ll even break out the table cloth and light some candles tonight.

The Screamiest Mom In The World

My four-year-old son has taken to collecting things he finds when we're out and about-- a pine cone, an orange thread, lost buttons... His pockets are a wonderland of surprises, but it keeps him occupied and, most important, question-free while I shop. Win-Win.

I, however, did have to draw the line at taking the price labels off the shelves at a craft store last week. Kids need boundaries, after all.

This morning's treasured item was a flimsy plastic pumpkin that had clearly broken off something else and was found in the $1 section at Target.

After toting it through the store for a while, my son asked if we could buy it. I began to explain that it wasn't for sale since it was only part of an item... blah, blah, blah, but all he heard was, "No!"

"BUT I WAH-UHUHUHUHUH-NT IT!!!" he whined.

I gently tried to explain it in a different way, "I know, Sweetie, but this is a broken toy..."

"Why can't I have it?", he begged. In vain, I tired yet another way, but he was too far gone for reason. The more the I tried comfort, the more insistent he became.

This went on for a few more rounds until I just lost it. Right there, in the center aisle of my local Target (the only decent place to shop in my town and therefore the most populated even at 9 am on a Tuesday), I bent down, grabbed him by the arm, and explained to his face ONE. LAST. TIME. why we could not BUY the stinkin' pumpkin. (And, no I wasn't going to let him just take it either.)

Then, channeling my mother, I finished off with the classic, but not classy "Stop asking me questions if you're not going to listen to the answer".

I stood up just in time to catch a glimpse of someone in my moms' group darting off. Chances are she never even saw (or... um, heard) me and was just going about her business. But it's more likely that she did and was running away.

My voice carries.

I don't blame her. I won't want to be seen with me either.

I know every kid has tantrums or comes down with a case of the gimmes. I know every parent loses their cool, behaves less than textbook, and gets embarrassed, but sometime I just feel like the screamiest parent in the world.

Just Say Something

At a parent-volunteer meeting at our elementary school, a mom reported that students at the nearby middle school had recently been given a survey about their alcohol use.

"Isn't sixth grade a little young for that?" she asked.

A few in the crowd murmured their agreement, so I had to speak up. "There are plenty of sixth graders who drink. Kids drank when I was in sixth grade," I said, recalling the infamous "boy-girl parties" that my friend Marcie Werner used to throw when we were that age -- parties that always involved a furtive raid on her dad's liquor cabinet.

A few moms gasped in response, others nodded. The woman sitting next to me leaned in close and whispered, "I started in seventh."

Talk turned to the prevalence of drugs and alcohol at our local high school. One mother relayed a conversation she'd had with a town cop. "He said there's heroin at the high school AND at the middle school. The police want to bring sniffer dogs in, but the school board won't let them."

More disturbing tales followed: hazing involving drug and alcohol on the high school sports teams; drug dealers freely roaming the campus; the discovery of a used syringe on the sidewalk of a family neighborhood.

"I just want to be in denial," said one mom, covering her face with her hands.

"You can't be in denial," someone said. "You have to communicate with your teenager."

The meeting started to break up, and I didn't get a chance to say what I was thinking: Don't wait to talk to your teenager. Talk to your child -- NOW -- while he or she will still listen.

Later, I was describing the meeting to a friend, and shared my concerns about widespread parental denial in our lovely suburb.

"I know I should talk to my kids about these things," my friend confessed, "but I don't know how to start."

My children are only 7, 8 and 9, but we're already a couple of years into an age-appropriate discussion of the dangers of drugs, alcohol and tobacco. My husband and I didn't plan it; the conversation evolved naturally. Too many people in my family have struggled with addiction, and I have shared some of those stories. For example, the kids know that my grandfather started smoking as a young farm league baseball player in the 1920s because the team supplied him with free cigarettes, an arrangement that would never be allowed now; he eventually died from emphysema. The fact that my kids love the taste of the communion wine at church, and would like to allowed to drink wine at home (!), has given us an opening to discuss the dangers of alcohol abuse. We have even done some role playing to give the kids practice in saying no to substances, the same way we practice our "polite party manners," or role play ways to brush off the taunts of a bully.

Are my husband and I doing it right, or are we saying too much too soon? I have no idea, but in my gut I feel it's better to say something now, however imperfectly, then to wait for the elusive perfect moment or perfect message. I want my children to know they can talk to us about any issue, and we can figure out the life's challenges together. That's why after that meeting, I awkwardly brought up that I'd heard that one of their third grade classmates had found a syringe on the sidewalk near his house. I had to explain what a syringe was, what it might have been used for, and why it could be dangerous. My kids were wide-eyed that anyone would ever give themselves a "shot" on purpose.

"If you ever find a needle like that, don't touch it," I said. "Call an adult for help."

Only time will tell.

Pumpkin Cobbler (it might change your Fall)

I was going to say, "It might change your life" but that sounded a bit dramatic.

What can I say, food brings out the drama queen in me.

This recipe will, I am quite certain, quickly become one of your Fall faves. It has snuck itself into my Thanksgiving dinner menu.

My friend Bonnie, (aka "Bonnie the Baker" - that title represents her mad skills!), took the Cooking With All Things Trader Joe's recipe for Blueberry Peach Cobbler and adapted it to its current spicy pumpkiny bliss.

The best part - that it literally requires 5 minutes of prep time. Wait, shall I type that again?

THIS RECIPE REQUIRES 5 MINUTES OF ACTUAL PREP TIME!

And, then the birds start singing in the kitchen and a gospel choir begins to sing a swinging gospel "Hallelujah" chorus.

I've made this cobbler 3 times already, and every time I am in love.

Pumpkin Peach Cobbler

1 cup Pumpkin pancake mix (the TJ's version calls for Buttermilk, but do try the Pumpkin mix from Trader's)
1/4 cup butter, melted
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup milk
3 cups sliced peaches - fresh is best, but you could use frozen if need be
1/2 cup blueberries (I omitted this because I felt like it would be too many flavors, but feel free to use up to 3 1/2 cups of fruit of your choice total)
1/4 tsp (or to taste, I always add more) ground cinnamon

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Uses and 8x8 inch ovenproof dish or a glass 9 inch pie plate for the cobbler. Melt butter right into the baking dish and use the dish as the mixing bowl. Add pancake mix, sugar, and milk to melted butter. Stir with a fork until just combined. Batter will by lumpy, don't over mix. Scatter peaches over batter, lightly sprinkle cinnamon evenly on top. Bake for 30 minutes or until light golden brown. Enjoy with fresh whipped cream or a scoop of real vanilla ice cream (the kind that has the real ingredients that you can read and pronounce)!

Ultimate Family Vacation

Cheerios is giving you the chance to win a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, your ultimate family vacation. As part of a paid promotion for their “Do What You Love” Sweepstakes, Cheerios is sponsoring my post today about what my ultimate family vacation would be. Read mine, Enter the Sweepstakes for a chance to actually win your own fantasy family trip or one of a bunch of other great prizes.


If I could have my ultimate family vacation, it would be a trip to Europe with my husband and four kids.  My husband and I had the chance to backpack Europe when we were first married.  It was a magical trip.  We were young and adventurous.  We spend about two months going from country to country, staying in hostels and seeing the things we had only read about in the history books. 

I remember meeting a young family on that trip – a mom and dad backpacking with two of their children, who looked to be about 8 and 10.  We talked with them for some time, asking about how they were managing the trip with children.  They were very enthusiastic about the experience, and seemed to be having a great time.

When my kids are a bit older, I would love to take that trip with them.  It is such a special memory for me.  I would love to expose them not only to the historical sights, but to engage them in the sense of adventure and living in the moment that backpacking can provide.  I think it would be hard, but I think it would be something they would value for the rest of their lives.

How about you?  What would be your ultimate family vacation?
Don't forget to enter the “Do What You Love” Sweepstakes, for a chance to win your own ultimate family vacation. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.

I Feel Old

Last week, I went to an all-day leadership seminar, part of a new program in which I am a training fellow. The program is training leaders in the field of neurodevelopmental disabilities, and I'm a Parent Support Fellow. I'm honored to be part of such a group and the work is fascinating, and Friday's seminar particularly so. We were divided into small groups of about ten to twelve people and did interesting exercises all day. One of these was a Survival Exercise, where we were told that we had all been in a plane crash and had crash landed in the Sonoran desert. Both pilots were killed but the rest of us were unharmed. It was ten in the morning and we only knew we were sixty miles off course and seventy miles from our original destination. We were given a list of objects that we had to rank, according to importance, as a group. Water, one overcoat, a jackknife, salt tablets, a loaded gun, etc.

My group was young. When I say young, I mean at least ten to twelve years younger than I am, and I'm 47. The only other mother was the woman leading the group (and she was the only one older than I) and a young mother of three sitting next to me.

As a group we did pretty well, setting our priorities without too much conflict, and I think I emerged as a sort of natural leader -- persuasive and clear-headed. I already know that about myself, that I respond well to crisis, that I am able to act preternaturally calm and organized. That is what I do. When we were finished, the leader of the group, who only observed, told us that I was the most pragmatic, and she wondered if I'd done this particular role play before.

No, I said, and then I thought, I do this every single day when I take care of my daughter. 


I've been taking care of my daughter who has an uncontrolled seizure disorder for over fifteen years. What I didn't realize is that most of the choices I make, the "leading" I do is based on instinct. I just knew what items were important and which ones weren't, in the same way I know a split second before that Sophie is going to have a seizure. I know whether or not to try a new drug, and I know what person she will respond to.

I'm not sure whether that intuition is innate or whether it's survival. But it makes me feel old.

Recycled Plastic Bag Pumpkin

We have a full-blown pumpkin obsession going on in our house. It started with just one pumpkin. We were at Trader Joe's and I had my trusty 4 year old companion with me. (Sidenote: I don't think he has ever been more scrumptious than at this current age. He has this way of talking like John Wayne - out of the side of his mouth with his s's sounding like a cross between a "sh" and "z" sound.)

He spotted the massive display of pumpkins and wanted to bring one home. One turned into two, and they made it into our cart. They had names by the time we got home. "Pumpky" (I know, original, right. Everything that he names ends with the "-ie" sound. His pet stuffed dolphin is "Dolphy" and his stuffed turtle is "Shelly" and his stuffed owl is "Owly".) and "Papa Pumpky".

These pumpkins got lots and lots of love over the next week. He would sit with them on the front porch, "visiting". He introduces them to his cars and his friends and his stuffed animal friends. He shares his snack with them. -So, all this love and appreciation softened my heart for the next Trader's visit and when he asked so nicely if he could please get another pumpkin for the pumpky family, I was in.

The trend has been established - when we go to Trader Joe's, we return with a pumpkin for our little pumpky family. We are up to about 7 pumpkins. I will say that the prices for these pumpkins are the lowest I have ever seen. (Reason #798 I love Trader Joe's).

So, when I stumbled on this craft idea, I knew we had to try it. I love that we can recycle plastic grocery bags into a cute pumpkin craft. This is also one pumpkin that will last longer than the Fall season. Allow yourself some time to scroll through Kathy's blog. It is full of so many great art projects for kids. (I love the step-by-step instructions she gives.)

I have all the answers

I don't know how this happened exactly, but I find I've lightened up. On my personal blog I became known for waxing philosophical about the angst of motherhood almost daily. I was constantly fighting a losing battle to find balance. I was uptight and trying too hard to be the perfect mother.

I don't know how this lightening up thing happened exactly, but I think it has something to do with surrender.

Surrender isn't an entirely new discovery, I've even written about it before, assuring myself that with this realization I'd be more calm.. But I wasn't. It never stuck. It did not stick with me until the letting go phenomenon moved from my head to my heart.

I'd like you to know I have all the answers. They are up there with shoe sizes and dates for doctor's appointments. They string along behind my childhood phone number and knowing when to say no. These answers are beside the on-going list I try to keep memorized, the one of alternating items we go through in this house...nutella, ranch, bread...what else do we need? oh! there it is, hummus!

What I'm saying is that I have all the answers, right there along with all the other things I consistently forget and then remember again. Sometimes.

Yup, they're in there, buried but a part of my jumping-monkey mommy brain.

What I've realized lately is that to find those answers, I have to stop and listen to my heart-gut. I have to ask myself if I should really be so scared about future orthodontics or the dating years, or if this school is right or that one. I have to stop and find some quiet and see what happens with the butterflies in my belly, what kind are they? I'm learning to tell the difference. Some churnings are there as a wake up or a warning or a nudge and some are just fear and worry.

So yes, I know the answers and I think you do too. I've learned what agrees with our family time and again. And when new things come up, my heart-gut is still there for the consulting. It's a mother's greatest gift. And for some reason, when I listen to it more than I listen to my scattered and ruminating mind, I relax over the little things in a way I never could before.

They ate junk today. Oh well.
There was way too much screen time in this house today. Tomorrow's a new day.
Will he ever stop needing a pull-up at night? Of course.
What should I do to get him to eat his vegetables? eh, whatevs, I'll just keep trying.

I truly believe that every mother has access to all the answers, if she listens as she's spoken to inside her specially-made-for-her-soul instead of letting worry win. I mean, the thing is, we're never going to always get it right and that's okay. It takes a lifetime to slowly learn the listening. But I think if we lighten up and focus on our progress as our kiddos progress with us, instead of focusing on perfection, we can't go wrong.

We can't go wrong because all roads lead back to grace, even though there are so often detours, especially those set up by fear and over-thinking. We'll get back to good. I know. Because Matchbox 20 told me so.

And also, I have all the answers. In a way.

~~~~~
Heather writes at The Extraordinary Ordinary

burnt beans, and other things

I am working at home today. We have a studio apartment behind our house and it's vacant at the moment, so I am using the quiet space to work on some lecture notes. There are painters in the house, edging us closer and closer to getting our house back to pre-flood conditions. The have the house taped off and practically sealed shut, but twice now I have had to go to the bathroom, so I tiptoed my way around them into the house and tried to pee as quietly as possible. As I walked back into the studio, it occurred to me: THERE IS A BATHROOM IN THE STUDIO.

Yesterday I was making lunch for the kids. Mark took them on a quick errand. When he returned, I had four plates sitting out, and I asked Mark where Jafta was. Mark reminded me that Jafta was at kindergarten. Oh yeah. That.

I made cupcakes for the twins' birthday at school. Only, cupcakes and sweets aren't allowed . . . so I cheated and make muffins with stevia-sweetened cream cheese frosting. (Yes, they are disgusting). They are in different classes with 20 kids each, so I had to make two batches. While cooking the first batch, I noticed that there was a burning sweet potato fry stuck on the bottom of the stove that was smoking up the house. I recalled that it has been there the last five times I've cooked, and each time I've reminded myself to clean it out once the oven cooled. It is still there. I'd go pull it out right now, but I'm too embarrassed to face the painters, what with my frequent peeing and all.

Last week, before we left for Austin, was one of the hottest weeks of the year. I wanted to make some beans and rice to leave with the babysitter so she didn't have to cook. But it was too hot for the crockpot in the kitchen, so I plugged it in outside on the countertop of our grill. I thought this was pretty ingenious. I ran some errands, and when I came home I asked Mark why the bedroom smelled like food. He had no idea. We talked about what the neighbors might be cooking. We put the kids down, packed, and laid down for bed. At about midnight, it occurred to me that I had a full crockpot of beans still cooking (on high) in the backyard. Had I not remember, it might have started a fire while we were gone.

(P.S. my apologies to everyone who followed my recipe and woke to burnt beans in the morning. Apparently my crockpot does not heat up like others do. Despite being left in my backyard until midnight on high, the beans were still perfect).

Today I asked Mark what we had going on this evening. He reminded me that I am teaching a class. The same class I teach EVERY WEDNESDAY.

I also supervise a therapist intern on Fridays. I have stood him up the last three weeks in a row.

I have forgotten the kids' turn for snack day every month this year. I think the preschool just expects me to forget at this point

Jafta came home with a letter from kindergarten, telling us that he is supposed to dress wearing a specific color of the rainbow each day for the next TWO WEEKS. I'm sure that's gonna happen.

Please tell me this is a temporary condition, and that my brain will begin functioning again as the kids get older.

Please.

Something to Talk About

A couple of weeks ago, another mom stopped me in front of the school with a big smile. "You're Gobez's mom, right? My son was on his soccer team last year."

"I recognize you," I said, before introducing myself and asking for her name. I sheepishly explained that with three kids in three classrooms playing on six different sports teams, I have trouble keeping track of all the parents I meet.

"I understand," she said sweetly. "I've been wanting to meet you officially, because I've heard such beautiful stories about your family."

Um, okay. Where exactly was she going with this?

"I understand that you adopted Gobez," the woman continued, "and then you unexpectedly found out he had a sister, and you went all the way back to Africa to get her."

"No," I said. "That's not true."

"Really?" the woman said, a confused look on her face. "But Mrs. Hart told me."

What the heck? Would you believe that Mrs. Hart is a teacher at our school?

"No, Gobez and Lemlem are biological siblings, but they've always been together and we adopted them together. I also have another daughter adopted from India ...I really don't know why anyone would say that."

Somehow, the woman and I managed to get past this awkward hitch and parted on friendly terms. That evening, my husband and I speculated about the reasons why Mrs. Hart, who has never taught any of our children, might be talking about us, and where she got her bad information, but ultimately we just laughed it off.

Then, yesterday, a friend sent me a surprising message. She'd overheard two moms from school talking about my family. She wrote:

One of the moms said Didi is a Rock Star on the soccer field, and Gobez is also. She said that her daughter complains that she can't draw as well as Didi...She goes on to say with 3 kids in soccer you have the patience of a saint...all good, then she says "John was in Africa and they decided to adopt all three kids from Africa, I think two are related...Just like Angelina and Brad...that's what we call them!" REALLY??? I was...infuriated, and about to say something to her about the Africa and Angelina Brad part when my husband gave me "the look" and I retreated.


Wow. I immediately recognized the identity of the chatterbox. Her comments were hardly a surprise, but still, the news knocked the wind out of me. Suddenly I remembered that other mom who'd also heard false stories about us. Last night, long after my husband grew tired of analyzing the incidents with me and drifted off to sleep, I lay awake trying to decide how I should feel about it all.

The great Dorothy Parker said, "I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true." My husband and I have made it a point to guard the personal histories of each of our children, believing that the details about how each one came to be with us belong to them alone. It is the right of each of them to decide who they wish to tell those stories to; not even the members of our extended family know everything. Maybe I should take the gossip about the origins of our family as a sign that we have protected their privacy well, and let it go. Nothing said has been truly malicious; people just need something to talk about, right?

At the same time, I can't help but wonder what other tales might be floating around campus. What happens when a nosy parent corners one of my kids to ask about one of these stories? Or when a classmate overhears the grown ups and then passes on the rumors to others? I can easily conjure a half dozen stress-inducing scenarios along these lines, to no good end.

Confronting the gossips, who may believe they're only saying "nice" stuff, feels like it will only stoke the fire. Human beings are hard-wired to gossip. We are also hard-wired to protect our children. I want my kids to learn to shrug off muddy rumors. I want them to know how to protect themselves from gossip with confidence and laughter. I want to be better at these things myself, and I will be, tomorrow. I just need a little time.

TALK BACK: Talking Back!

One word: Prepubescent.

The word alone sounds awful.

How about some wisdom on the subject of stubborn, sarcastic, moody, back-talking, know-it-all preteen girls?

Cause this mama may be slowly losing patience is seriously freaking out. Help.

source

TALK BACK: Unsolicited Advice

So, we've all been there.

Your normally happy-go-lucky child is throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of a store and some she-thinks-she-means-well mother comes from across the store to give you advice.  Advice that you didn't ask for.  Advice that actually hurts more than it helps.

Like the time that a friend of mine told me that when my son was hungry, he would eat.  As if his feeding problems could be so easily solved.  So while I said, "maybe," on the outside, on the inside I wanted to scream, punch, or just go off on a rant about how it isn't that simple.

The thing is, she meant well.  I know that.  But that random lady in the grocery store that tells me I am doing something wrong as a mother?  She is definitely out to get me.

My question, this beautiful fall Monday, is how do YOU deal with this unsolicited advice?  Are you graceful and let it roll off your back?  Or do you take it personally and punch the person in the face?

Winner winner, chicken dinner

Congrats to Crubbins, our Stella & Dot giveaway winner.

Shoot us an email at mamamanifesto@gmail.com by 10/3/10, and we will hook you up!

Hope you are all had a wonderful weekend!