TALK BACK: Finding Your Way Out of a Funk

A week or two ago, I found myself in a serious FUNK. Not quite a bottomless pit of despair but more than just a bad day, there's just no other way to describe it. The thrill was just... gone.

Nothing was really wrong. Yet, nothing felt right either. I was overwhelmed and grumpy, but too lazy and unmotivated to do anything about it. I spent each day spinning my wheels yet going nowhere. Things were just "meh!"

Sure, it's perfectly fine and good to indulge in my pity party of one in a day or two, but beyond that even I begin to find myself tedious...

I needed an out!

So, I tried several old tricks to snap out of it... to varying degrees of success.

Reconnecting with friends. I went out with my mom friends, but that only drove me further into my malaise. I wrote a post about that last week... A few nights later, I joined my college roommate and her single friends for a night out. I ended up being bored out of my mind. I forgot how much time we used to spend looking for/over analyzing/posturing for potential boyfriends... It just isn't my scene anymore and I came home with a new found appreciation for my life just as it is.

Just kept moving in spite of myself. The next morning, my kids woke me up extra early. (Punishment for my night out, perhaps?) My four-year-old son asked if he and I could walk to church, just the two of us. So we did and all the while talking about everything and nothing in particular. Exercise is a great relieving stress, but I think it was the distraction of being in someone else's world of a little while. Four is a prime age for distraction.

Making time for me. Hubby and I planned a much needed date night, but he got sick and we had to cancel. I kept the babysitter anyway and just took an afternoon for myself. I got a smoothie. I got a pedicure. I read Vogue cover to cover. It was a frivolous indulgence, but it was oh so fabulous! I came home to a clean kitchen and kids who had been fed, bathed, and couldn't wait to hug me.

Life was good again and my funk just sort of evaporated as gradually and inexplicably as it had crept in.

So what pulls you out of a funk? Spa day? Night out with friends? Wine? Husband? Kids? Romance novels? Do tell.

Walking Home

The rain came down fast and hard, the wind whipping it sideways as I walked across a parking lot toward University Drive. My jeans were soaked and my sweater glued to my body. The walk from campus to my apartment would be a long one.

A battered yellow station wagon pulled up beside me, and the driver rolled his window down. "Do you want a ride?" His face was friendly but not overly so.

"Are you a rapist?" I asked, immediately regretting the question.

"No, " he said, laughing. "I'm a corrections officer. I work at the prison."

He opened the door, and I dropped my wet backpack under the dash and climbed in. The car was old but clean. I noticed the man's own backpack on the back seat. He wasn't much older than I was.

If my grandmother had found out I'd accepted a ride from a strange man -- a strange black man, no less -- she'd have been furious. I wondered if I should be afraid. I'd always relied on my intuition to judge people, and it hadn't failed me so far, but eventually I was bound to make a mistake.

The man and I talked about school. He was studying for a criminal-justice degree during the day and working at the prison at night. When we arrived at my building, I thanked him and dashed off through the rain. I never saw the man again.

Twenty-five years later I am the adoptive mother of an African boy. As my son is growing older, I see the fearful way white strangers sometimes look at him, and I find myself wondering why that man ever stopped to help me. I understand now that he and I both took a leap of faith that day when we trusted each other.


This essay was previously published in The Sun.

Hawking or thoughts on selling

silver salesman, Vermont, 1940

I've grown weary of raising money. In the last month alone, and stretching into October, I find myself obligated to raise money for two foundations on which I am a board member, my son's annual Cub Scout fundraiser, for which he is anticipating selling so much over-priced popcorn that he'll win another gadget or toy, and our annual charter school pledge drive.

I hate to ask people for money and can't wrap my brain around those who love to do it. Or maybe they don't love to do it, but they certainly relish the challenge. My own son is an excellent salesman; I remember the first time he donned his Cub Scout uniform and set out in our neighborhood to sell popcorn with me trailing him. He knocked confidently on each door and made his spiel while I gesticulated in the background, mouthing silently over his shoulder to his prospects it's all right if you can't give or don't worry -- you can buy the $10 can! I admit that this was a sort of sabotage, but despite it, the first year he managed to sell over $1000 worth of popcorn, and I remember feeling almost frightened at his ability to smooth talk anyone into buying the stuff.

I'm as ready as the next person to argue politics and even religion, but I don't want to coerce you into giving money, even when it's a cause that's near and dear to my heart. And while I'm grateful when my friends and family pony up and donate to a music therapy fundraiser for special needs kids, or a big family walk for freedom from epilepsy -- I'm also a bit apologetic. I hate the equation

Money = Support


As a fairly experienced member of the boards of several non-profit foundations, I know a bit about fund-raising, and it's not an understatement to say that I hate it.

So, if a really cute little boy in a Jr. Webelos uniform knocks on your door, I hope you'll buy some popcorn from him. I want you to know that you don't have to, but I'd also warn you that you probably will, anyway.


Elizabeth writes regularly at a moon, worn as if it had been a shell. And she hopes you'll join her team at this year's Epilepsy Freedom Walk but no pressure...

Whole Wheat Banana Pancakes

Getting you family to eat healthy, minimal sugar foods can sometimes be a bit of a challenge when it comes to the kids. Add in a child that cannot eat eggs or dairy, and you’ve got a few more hurdles to jump. But with a few tricks and adjustments, everyone can be happy, noshing away on a small stack of nutritious, low sugar and exceptionally yummy banana pancakes made with non-dairy milk and an egg substitute of omega packed ground flax mixed with hot water.

If the idea of making pancakes in the morning puts you off because of the time involved, try making your batter the night before and placing it in the fridge. Have your griddle on the counter, ready to be turned on and your plates and utensils set on the table. You'll be eating fresh, hot, delicious pancakes in 10 minutes.

Want an even better tip? Double your batch and let the extras cool on a baking rack. Freeze in a large ziploc bag then just take out of the freezer and microwave as needed!

Whole Wheat Banana Pancakes
(Prep Time:10 minutes/Total Time: 20 min. Makes 12 pancakes)
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
2 tablespoons ground flax mixed with 6 tablespoons hot water. Let sit 10 minutes.
1 to 1 1/4 cups almond or rice milk
2 tablespoons natural honey
3 tablespoons grapeseed oil
1 small very ripe banana

Directions:
Preheat griddle to 350 degrees.

In a large bowl, mix together flour, baking powder, cinnamon and nutmeg with a wire whisk.

In a separate bowl, mix together almond or rice milk, grapeseed oil, and banana.

Add wet mixture to flour mixture and stir well. Add ground flax mixture and stir to incorporate.

Spoon onto the griddle and cook until golden!

Cari Snell is a mom, wife and the editor and recipe wrangler of Can I get the Recipe? An online source providing weekly printable recipes, shopping lists, great giveaways and more.

Check out an abundance of family friendly recipes at http://www.canigettherecipe.com/

SUNDAY GIVEAWAY: Stella & Dot necklace

Have you heard of Stella & Dot jewelry? Its a direct sales jewelry company that seems to be light on the "sales" pressure, and heavy on the "oh-my-goodness-where-did-you-get-that-amazing-necklace" design pizazz.

I have a few friends who have a few pieces that I have admired.

Check out this design - I think it is my favorite ...

It comes in silver too. The name is pretty too. - Jasmine Filigree Necklace.

There are so many lovely pieces in the collection online. Grab a cup of coffee and window shop, but just be careful where you are sitting because drool can ruin a keyboard. If you have questions about the business side of Stella & Dot, you should connect with Christy, a Stella & Dot stylist. She can hook you up with all the information you need.

We are very excited to be giving away one jasmine filigree necklace to a lucky mama! The gold one.

Leave us a comment answering the following question:

"If you could wear this necklace anywhere with anyone, where would you go and who would you have by your side?"

How to earn additional entries:

1. Follow our blog (publicly) and leave another comment (or let us know if you already are).

2. Subscribe to the Mama Memo and leave another comment (or let us know if you already are).

3. Blog about the giveaway, and link back here. Post your blog entry before you comment.

4. Add the Mama Manifesto button to your sidebar.

5. Follow us on Twitter and Tweet about this giveaway: "Giveaway- Win a stella & dot necklace from @MamaManifesto. Enter at mamamanifesto.com"

6. Become a fan of Mama Manifesto on Facebook by clicking the button on the left.


[This giveaway will be closed Saturday at 11 p.m. and the winner will be announced next Sunday!]



And now for the winner of last week's giveaway:
{{{meeyeehere}}}

Congratulations! Shoot us an email by 10/3 to claim your prize.

Best Baby Gear 2010

It pretty much goes without saying: new baby = new stuff. Lots of stuff. Well, here you go, pregnant and new Mamas... We're happy to share with you just a few of our recent favorite products. The following must-haves have been provided to us for review, and all deserve a big fat Mama Seal of Approval!

[Stroller]

We love Bumbleride! Flite is a light & compact version of their other awesome models, with all the style. This stroller is amazing. Think of Flite as the ultimate umbrella-style stroller: lightweight, a cinch to open & close, and totally portable. No more struggling to lug something in and out of the trunk! Both the backrest and footrest are multi-adjustable, and it's compatible with many popular carseats. Flite is super sleek, has lovely color combinations, and I love how you can still just snap the carseat in and go.














Then you have a third travel option for Flite. Possibly my favorite feature, the Bumbleride Carrycot combines the luxury of a bassinet with the ease of a baby carrier. It snaps right in to the stroller, rear facing, for an old-fashioned buggy feel. I love that baby can lay down flat, great for naps and making diaper changing on-the-go a breeze. The zip-on Footmuff and Seat Liner provide extra coziness and security, plus storage pockets!

Strollin' just does not get much better with Bumbleride, who- on top of fabulous products- provide excellent customer service.



[Baby Carrier]

The Baby K'tan carrier is a 100% natural cotton or organic cotton, ergonomically designed, soft sling-style baby carrier. Safe and stylish, this sling is awesome! It is very comfortable to wear, offers nine unique wearing positions, and is easily washable. Best of all, it is super cozy for baby! In the standard cradle position, my little guy just falls into the deepest sleep, as the snug fit must really resemble the feel of the womb. And running errands with four kids? The Baby K'tan truly becomes priceless.

[Bathtime]

When it comes to baby bathing, the options can be overwhelming. We look for chemical-free products, which is why we really dig Lafe's. Lafe's Natural and Organic baby products are free of BPA and phthalates, the most commonly-known endocrine disruptors. Lafe's addresses what's in the packaging as well as what's in the product, providing parents with a worry-free choice for their babies. The foaming shampoo & wash is my favorite. With only five ingredients [all but the water being certified organic], you just know you're making the best choice. The foam is very convenient, it doesn't dry out baby's skin whatsoever, and the natural scent is so clean (no fragrance for my baby, thankyouverymuch!). Bathtime being a huge part of our bedtime routine, I feel completely confident with Lafe's.


[Maternity Clothes]

Belly 9 high quality maternity wear combines comfort with fun to spice up your preggo wardrobe. Ribbed Maternity Tanks are a soft & stretchy, breathable cotton thermal, cut long to cover your belly all 9 months and beyond. A true maternity staple. With several affordable, clever choices, PUSH IT REAL GOOD is my fave.

Bellablu Maternity is the perfect one-stop-shop online maternity clothing boutique, to meet all your needs from underwear to swimwear. We're loving their new Fall items.

We tried the versatile ingrid & isabel everywear pant. You can wear the waistband all the way up for full belly coverage, fold it to the waist or hips for some extra support under the belly, or pull it all the way down around your hips for a skirt-over-pant look. The fabric is super stretchy and we love that it can be dressed up or dressed down. I'm a fan of anything I can roll out of bed in, and yet not embarrass my kids during school drop-off!

A great accompaniment to the everywear pant, the Shade Ruched Long Sleeve Top is extra long in front for full coverage and ruched down the sides. A cotton/spandex blend, this top is extremely comfy, as well as cute & stylish.

Out-of-order ORDER!

I get an “F” for eating last week. At least 4 nights out of 5, we ate out. And, I’m not talking fancy steak houses with side salads. It was cheap, fast, crappy food. One night, I even endeavored to go through the drive through.

Having worked right up to the dinner hour, I dropped off the babysitter and asked the kids if they’d like a special treat. I suggested In-n-Out dinner and “Yes!” was the resounding answer. They were thrilled. However, somewhere between the intersection of thrilled and dead-tired hungry, my daughter lost it in the back seat – screaming for the next 13 minutes (yes – I counted).

Alas, when we arrived to chez burger joint, there was no way I was going in. I joined the 20-car lineup in the drive through. The problem? Kid #2 was still crying (about what, I don’t remember) because what happened next will go down in the mama annals as embarrassing moment #17,734.

I was so busy consoling and negotiating that I drove right past the order kiosk and didn’t even notice until I was a whole two cars past it and nary closer to the pay window. I was stuck. Sh#%! Sh#%! Sh#%!

As I arrived to the pay window, the overly cheerful server listens to my bizarre recount of car shenanigans and mommy dementia, and pleasantly proceeds to take my order. Wow! That was easier than I thought. But, no. She then, ever so kindly, leans back into the kitchen and from over her shoulder yells, “OUT-OF-ORDER ORDER!”

This unleashes a flurry of activity down the synchronized burger production line – right to the pickup window worker, who is now loudly repeating “Out-of-order order?!” As if that’s not bad enough, she is pointing … at our car! Heads start turning – cooks and customers too are now looking at me! I wanted to slide right onto the floor board and hide.

I thought about driving through – not stopping. However, having sat there and watched the fry cooks jumping over one another to collect the “out-of-order” fries and the burger crew, reaching past each other to make two plain “out-of order” cheese burgers, I thought it better to quietly collect my food and never return (at least for a couple weeks).

I humbly and apologetically accepted my “out-of-order order” to which, a different, but equally cheerful server replied, “No problem.” (I saw the knowing glint in his eye and the bead sweat trickle down his cheek.)

Apparently, the drive through, believed to be the last bastion for mother’s sanity is no longer an embarrassment-free zone. From now on, I’ll just eat at home. Toast anyone??

What I Want You to Know

I think that at a surface level, most of us want to be compassionate and sensitive to others.  But I do think that certain barriers (lack of exposure, tolerance, defensiveness, etc) can ruin the best of intentions.  If only we could peel back the layers to our humanity, and really see where the other is coming from.

This is what I want to try, in this space, a couple times a month.  I’m starting a series called “What I Want You To Know”.  It is, quite simply, a place for you to share your story, and the sting that you want other people to be more sensitive of.  Maybe you are a single mom tired of the assumptions, or a mom of an autistic child who wants more understanding.  Maybe you are an interracial family.  Or a same-sex family.  Maybe you work.  Maybe you homeschool.  Maybe your kid is sick . . . really sick.  Maybe you are Mormon.  Or Muslim.  Or decided not to breastfeed.  Or can’t get pregnant.  Maybe you are depressed. 
I want you to tell us – what do you want us to know about your particular circumstance?  What is that burning thing that  you wish people would “get”? 

And then I want us to collectively reach across this little campfire of the blogosphere and hear each other.  We don’t have to agree.  We just have to listen.  I’m going to try to post someone’s story once a week.  If you have one to share, shoot me an email.

I am posting the first today, about stillbirth. While I have not experienced this personally, I do know the grief of multiple pregnancy losses, and I appreciate what Tara has to say:

___________________________

My name is Tara Beth Warrick, I am 25 years old, I live in a small town in western North Carolina. I am a pediatric occupational therapist by vocation, a dance teacher for fun, and wife to a wonderful man. I am also a mother, but not a tangible or typical mother. This fact alone has re-shaped the lens through which I view and construct my entire life. My first baby, Scout, was stillborn on December 15, 2009. I parented by making choices while she was in the womb, and I parent her now as I make choices as to how to tell her story and give her short life purpose. I have planned a community-wide event, the first of its kind in my tiny town, for parents who have lost children via miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. You can see more details here: http://scoutingforhope.wordpress.com/

What I want you to know is that there are millions of families around you in everyday circumstances- at the grocery store, the post office, or even in that annoying line at IKEA, who are dealing with the loss of a child. I have been overwhelmed to learn of just how many of our babies leave us too soon, and I have been somewhat taken aback at the multitudes of parents that seem to take the very presence and good health of their living children for granted.



What I want you to know is that I define 'parenting' more loosely than most. I believe that you choose how you define it, and it does not have to be directed toward a biological, living child. I am a parent, I count. Mother's Day is for me too.

What I want you to know is that though men aren't 'supposed to talk about their feelings', there are a lot of men out there that are grieving a baby. It has been interesting to learn of men in my community who are still dealing with the sting of the loss of a child from decades ago.

What I want you to know that sometimes saying nothing at all is just as harmful as saying the 'wrong thing' to a grieving friend. Your presence and attention are more appreciated than you realize. You don't have to do the standard 'send a card' or 'send flowers' song and dance. Bring a friend some groceries. Mop her floors. Ask if he just wants to go for a walk. These gestures have been so meaningful to my husband and to me. I feel that we are called to carry the burdens of those around us so that the weight isn't so overwhelming.
What I want you to know is that is has been 39 weeks since I delivered my baby and I am still in deep sorrow over my little one. I am a follower of Jesus, and I believe He has so many wounds of mine to heal, and so many lessons to teach me.

What I want you to know is that I am terribly afraid of getting pregnant and terribly afraid of never getting pregnant again. Both options seem impossible some days.

What I want you to know is that you are a valuable, human being. You have purpose in this life. You are someone's baby. Maybe you are someone's parent. I appreciate what you are and what you will be. Let's take this attitude toward each other- that we are important in each other's stories and day to day lives. Thanks for allowing me to share a brief excerpt of my journey.

What would you like me to know?

Upcoming Literature Seminar

This is a great option for any mamas in the OC or surrounding area. It is ideal for parents who are homeschooling, or parents looking for ways to supplement their children's education. I have spent quite a bit of time on Rea's blog and Beautiful Feet Books website where she sells AMAZING books that inspire a love for history and great literature. She definitely knows what she is talking about and I cannot wait to soak up all this information! To pre-register go here.

Misery Loves Company

Aren't happy people just soooo annoying?

You would think so, but Gretchen Rubin, who wrote The Happiness Project and maintains a daily blog of the same name, says otherwise. According to one of her posts from early 2009...

...studies show that people find happy people much more likable than their less-happy peers. Happy people are viewed as friendlier, smarter, warmer, less selfish, more self-confident, and more socially skilled – even more physically attractive.

If that's the case, then why do I hate my friend, Allyson, so much...

Okay, okay. So I'm only kidding. I don't really hate my friend Allyson. Not even an ounce. (Allyson, sweetie, if you are reading this, I don't hate you. Really and truly.) What I am is majorly JEALOUS of her, but even then, only in a goodhearted, friendly sort of way.

Last week, a big group of us were out for Mom's Night Out. On my end of the table, we were commiserating over the usual stuff: husbands who work a million hours a week, conflicted feelings over trying to find time for ourselves, motherhood, and the madness of attempting to manage it all on our own.

Meanwhile on Allyson's end of the table, she was cheerfully dispensing parenting advice, chatting about her new exercise routine and in her in-laws who not only live down the street and love to babysit their grandchildren, but ADORE her to boot.

Then, to top it off she kept going on and on about her husband's super great job that allows him to walk through the door at 5pm every afternoon...

Did you catch that? Her husband WALKS THROUGH THE DOOR at 5 pm Every. Single. Afternoon.

I could claw her eyes out for that alone, but I won't... For many reasons, of course, but mostly because it's not her fault that my husband's career is so demanding or that my life, for the past year and a half, has been completely insane. And I told her as much as I drove her back to her apartment after dinner.

I see the two of us as being similar places in life. We're both stay-at-home moms to two kids. We're both recent transplants to the area and live down the street from one another. Why does her life look like cake while mine resembles moldy bread?

I've blogged in the past about how happiness is a choice. At the time, I wrote about the conscious decision to look at a situation in a positive light and to make the best of what you have, but sometimes that just isn't enough to sustain you.

It's not always as simple as saying to yourself, "Why yes, I think I will be happy now!" because sure enough, something... anything... could happen to throw things back into a cluster. You roll with it, you deal with it, but the stress still mounts and it gets harder and harder to hit "reset".

As I reflected more my situation (and this post), I realized that Allyson's happiness/my unhappiness is actually a function of a series of choices.

For instance, I didn't hear from Allyson much this summer because she was spending time with family. I spent time with family this summer too, but I also tried to fit in work and other commitments in between. So, it seems she's better about setting boundaries than I am. I could learn a thing or two about that.

I miss being surrounded by family, but my husband and I made a decision to move out of state (and for a time, out of country) to chase his dream job. He also happens to work in an industry that's relentless and hard on families, but I knew that going into a relationship with him and I married him anyway. (What can I say? He's cute and we make beautiful babies.)

On the other hand, Allyson's husband works in a completely different industry and the two of them made a decision to move closer to the family.

I invited Allyson to join my mom's group. On the morning of our huge kick-off meeting, I woke up with a fever, but dragged myself out of bed, took some Advil, and soldiered on. She didn't show up, but later apologized and explained that the group sounded like fun but she really enjoys her mornings just the way they are.

Meanwhile, I'm on the steering committee... and the room parent for my son's class... and up for PTA President... and starting a book club for my other moms' group... and signing up to be mentor for a teen mom... Clearly, I'm just a girl who can't say "no".

Most of these things, I do because I want to. I truly enjoy it and it's a way to socialize. Some I do because it needs to be done and it's a way to be involved. As for the endless laundry, whining, and spills on the kitchen floor I deal with on a daily basis, I just have to do that whether I like it or not... ha! But is any of it making me happy or helping me be a better wife and mother?

My point is that perhaps it's time for me to start looking at what these choices are preventing me from doing. For example, I've been beating myself up over not getting together a weekly meal plan or working out on a regular basis. I just don't have TIME, but ask me to organize a charity book drive and I'll probably say, "yes"...

At the end of the day, happiness IS about choices. Maybe it's not such much choosing to be happy, but all the other choices that get you there.

If that's the case, then consider me a work in progress.

TALK BACK: Packing School Lunches

Just in time for the new school year, I have had the pleasure of testing out a sustainable Bento System by Laptop Lunches. I love the idea of waste-free lunch packing! Laptop Lunches are American-style bento boxes designed to help families pack nutritious, eco-friendly lunches for school, work, and travel. They are reusable, recyclable, and dishwasher safe... containing NO phthalates, bisphenol A (BPA), or lead. Awesome.

My fourth grader is really picky, but after years of peanut butter on whole wheat and apple slices to-go, we were both so ready for a change this year. Bento Buddies come in a variety of bright colors and actually make lunch packing FUN. They hold just the right portion sizes for fruits, veggies, nuts, crackers & hummus... pretty much anything beyond PB & J you can think of. And no more plastic baggies! Bento Systems come complete with a reusable water bottle, a fork and spoon, and a spot for an ice pack.


My daughter and I love this system. She has become totally into packing her own lunch, and I'm loving the combos she comes up with. Laptop Lunches even has clever ideas for the bored or picky eater right on their website.

So what about you, Mamas... Has your family been inspired to go waste or chemical-free for food-on-the-go yet? What is your favorite system? How about dealing with picky lunch-eaters? We want to hear your solutions!

Project - The New 4-Letter Word

So, it’s seven letters … that’s just a technicality for what has become cause for “bad attitudes and filthy mouths.” Mind you, I’m talking about me – not the kid.

Let me back up … On July 26th, my son began the dreaded 4th grade with so-called endless homework and incessant projects. I pretty much wrote off the worry mongers, content in knowing that my son is a great student, who likes school and rarely complains about homework. That’s him – not me.

And, certainly not me last week. Last week, he put the final touches on his first book report project (p-r-o-j-e-c-t). All total, this biography book report project took 8 hours. He transformed a coffee can into the likeness of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, designed five creative fact cards, and completed a timeline and book report Q&A. Of course, this didn’t even include reading the book.


Rewind … he’s in 4th grade. Also, this project didn’t just take him 8 hours … it took me 8 hours too.

“Why me?” you ask. There are those parents who say that they don’t help, but I don’t believe them – not one of them.

I had to help with the glue gun and locate crafty items tucked in the recesses of closets from last year. There was the trip to Michael’s Craft Store. Of course, there was the endless time management and question asking. Him asking, “What do you think of this, Mom?” or “Where’s that the thing that I don’t remember the name to, but remember seeing last month?” Then, there is me saying, “Are you spending too much time on that? What’s next? Stop picking the glue from your finger tips and start writing!”

Plus, to keep him moving forward, I served as his personal cleanup crew – washing paint brushes, picking up trash, vacuuming googley eyes, scrapping glue off my table. My kitchen could have easily been mistaken for a “Hoarders” episode. Then, there was the constant redirecting of his 5YO sister out of the paints and away from glue gun. (For the record, she didn’t want to use the washable paints on paper. No, she wanted permanent paints and a can to boot. Imagine the crying. Note to self – buy two Yuban tins next time.)

I know that I should embrace the “project.” Yet, I find homework to be a constant time suck and I’m becoming a little resentful about my lack of free time, work time, cleaning time, any time. Gone are the weekday afternoons for riding bikes and running through the sprinklers. There’s no time.

So, after nearly a full week of project preparation, I was downright annoyed by the time it was finished. Really, what is the goal? From my perspective, it feels like were breeding perfectionists.
The rubric, which is the new-fangled term for a grading sheet, scored each element of the project, including “Every word is spelled correctly.” Every! We try hard not to use “always” and “never” and it seems to me “every” falls into that camp too.

Again, it is 4th grade and the only way there will be no errors, is if mama gets involved. And, who decided that any margin of error is bad? I think most innovators would say they failed long before they succeeded.

Ironically, the rubric included a misspelled word. HA! My son and I shared a secret chuckle on that one. More importantly, I could use it as a perfect example of how no one is perfect – not “every” teacher and certainly not mama.


I love the critical and creative thinking that a project can encourage. I hate that it takes up an excessive amount of time to complete, requires a parent’s full-time attention and breeds perfectionism.

My son’s project was brilliant … super smart … lots of fun. One could say, “perfect” right down to the splattered mud on Steve Irwin’s shirt, hair and face. I did spy a couple errors in his writing prompts and suggested that he re-read the copy. He didn’t see them. Oh, how I wanted to show him. (Yeah, right … who’s the perfectionist?) Instead, I decided to let him roll with it and actually learn from his mistakes. It is, after all, his project.

Apple Pie Granola Bars

I've been fiddling around with my quick and easy microwave breakfast granola bars and eureka! I think I have just created the most amazing granola bar ever...



I was thinking apple pie when I made these. Dried apples and walnuts with cinnamon and a pinch of nutmeg. The smell while they are cooking is enough for me to want to make these over and over again. It really does smell like apple pie. And the taste is gorgeous! Not too sweet, with just the right amount of cinnamon and nutmeg. The walnuts not only add lovely texture and taste, but I like the additional nutritional benefits. Walnuts are rich in fiber, B vitamins, magnesium, and antioxidants. They are also a great source of the cholesterol reducing omega 3's...



Who would have thought you could get all those benefits in a delicious, amazingly good little granola bar?
Apple Pie Granola Bars


(Makes one 9x9 pan of bars)



Ingredients:

2/3 cup butter or margarine

1/2 cup firmly packed soft brown sugar

4 tablespoons golden syrup

3 1/3 cups quick oats

2 teaspoons cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1/2 cup dries apples, chopped into bite sized pieces

1/2 cup walnuts, chopped



Directions:

Grease a small shallow microwave safe 9x9 baking dish. Set aside.



Place the butter or margarine, sugar, and golden syrup in a microwave safe bowl and cook on high power for 1 to 2 minutes, or until butter or margarine is melted. Stir in the oats, dried apples, walnuts, cinnnamon, and nutmeg and mix well.



Press mixture into dish. Cook on high power for about 6 minutes or until the centre is bubbling. Allow to cool a little then press down hard with the back of a spatula. Completely cool then cut into squares. Store in fridge for up to 2 weeks.

Cari Snell is a mom, wife and the editor and recipe wrangler of Can I get the Recipe? An online source providing weekly printable recipes, shopping lists, great giveaways and more.

Check out an abundance of family friendly recipes at http://www.canigettherecipe.com/

TALK BACK: Mommy Inventions

So, Mama Manifesto's recent giveaway came at a perfect time for me.  I spent the end of last week and most of the weekend in a cold-induced stupor, a cold that was not only making me miserable but was making The Great Potato miserable as well. 

Sidebar:  I don't really have a "miserable" photo of Potato, as he is seldom miserable-looking, even when he is miserable, so for your viewing pleasure, here is what Potato looked like (generally speaking) when he last had a cold.

Back to the topic at hand.  Being a first-time mom, I was actually surprised at how quickly a cold could pass from a snotty kid to a relatively-healthy mom.  Mere seconds really.  All it took was one kiss to the head when he briefly rubbed his drippy nose against my neck, and BOOM, I was down for the count.

It got me thinking.

I need to invent something that allows mothers to snuggle and cuddle and kiss their sick babies' crusty-with-puke heads while also avoiding getting sick.  Perhaps a Dr. Seuss-like contraption with an anti-bacterial mask and lots of wiggly arms.

Or, I need to invent a bodysuit that mothers can wear, similar in appearance to a HAZMAT suit, that will allow all sorts of bodily fluids to be smeared on while repelling the germs away from the wearer.

I must say that while I enjoyed the time off as my next-to-Sainthood husband took care of the baby, me, and most of the daily chores, I don't really like being sick.  And when I woke up this morning to get ready for work, I realized that I still don't feel good.  Probably since the cold is still lingering in the tiny being that sneezed on my face yesterday when I picked him up.

So, if you could invent anything, what would it be?


Automatic kid feeder?


Poop destroyer?


Laundry-doer, ala Rosie from the Jetsons?

mama love

We love Walk with the Dinosaurs! It’s a stadium show that features a blend of technology, natural history, art, and music, to teach kids about the dinosaur era.  It is touring all year, and my kids loved it.  The paleontologist-narrator struck a great balance between entertainment and education.  The official Walking with Dinosaurs web site has a page called Meet the Dinos that provides the perfect introduction to the different species that are presented in this show.  Check their website and see if it’s coming to a town near you.

 

We love Ariat Shoes.  They generously gave me two pair of their shoes to wear to Blogher, where I knew I would be on my feet all day.  I wanted to be comfortable, but I also wanted something that would look cute instead of orthopeadic.  Their casual shoes have a series of cushions and supports to provide stability to the foot, improving posture and reducing wear and tear on the whole body.  I loved the pairs they sent, and they looked great with both jeans and summer dresses.

 

 

We love Ice Cream Revolution's Mega Ice Cream Ball. 

It is a ball that makes ice cream!  You add cream and sugar in the middle, then rock salt and ice in the freezing compartment.  Then the fun begins: kids must shake, roll, throw, and rotate in order to self churn the ingredients to make soft serve ice cream on the spot. No electricity, no eggs...just fun!

Sunday Giveaway: Hyland's natural remedies

There is so much about Fall that we all love. Typically, we appreciate the dip in weather and change from warmer temperatures to cooler ones. It's so lovely to sip our warm beverages for a change, right?

But, with the fall and winter seasons come those pesky germs and viruses that make their rounds, no matter how hard you may try to shield your kiddos.

This week we have the perfectly timed giveaway for the season ...

Hyland's has been creating natural, homeopathic medicines since 1903. The active ingredients in Hyland’s homeopathic medicines work by stimulating the most effective healing force known - the body's own natural defenses - and are therefore not heavy or overpowering. The medicines are virtually free of side effects and can be taken by nearly anyone at any time, from infants to the elderly, including anyone taking prescription medications.

In addition to its century-long commitment to make safe & natural homeopathic medicines readily available, Hyland’s has been a leader in innovations that answer the changing health needs of our modern world. Hyland’s Teething Tablets, Calms Forte, Sniffles ‘n Sneezes 4Kids, Restful Legs and many others are popular “combination” medicines that focus the power of homeopathy on a particular set of symptoms. Hyland's pharmacists developed each one by carefully selecting a few specific homeopathic ingredients from among thousands, and combining them in effective medicines. Hyland’s array of combination medicines provides relief from the symptoms of most common ailments.

We were given the opportunity to try some of Hyland's products with our kids and we have fallen in love. And, now we get to share the love!

We are giving away a gift bundle of all Hyland's greatest products for kids that will have you well-prepared to face anything Fall may throw at you. The basket will include Cold ‘n Cough 4 Kids, Nighttime Cold ‘n Cough 4 Kids, Cough Syrup with 100% Natural Honey 4 Kids, Complete Allergy 4 Kids, Cold Relief with Zinc 4 Kids, Sniffles ‘n Sneezes 4 Kids, Calms Forté 4 Kids, Allergy Relief 4 Kids and Complete Flu Care 4 Kids.

To be entered in this giveaway, please leave us a comment answering the following question:

"What is your secret weapon/remedy for when your children have a cold?"

How to earn additional entries:

1. Follow our blog (publicly) and leave another comment (or let us know if you already are).

2. Subscribe to the Mama Memo and leave another comment (or let us know if you already are).

3. Blog about the giveaway, and link back here. Post your blog entry before you comment.

4. Add the Mama Manifesto button to your sidebar.

5. Follow us on Twitter and Tweet about this giveaway: "Giveaway- Win Hyland's homeopathic gift basket from @MamaManifesto. Enter at mamamanifesto.com"

6. Become a fan of Mama Manifesto on Facebook by clicking the button on the left.


[This giveaway will be closed Saturday at 11 p.m. and the winner will be announced next Sunday!]



And now for the winner of last week's giveaway:
{{{Stephanie Cole}}}

Congratulations! Shoot us an email by 9/26 to mamagiveaways(at)gmail(dot)com with your prize in the subject line, and we'll hook you up! Keep checking back for more great giveaways!

MAMA LOVES ... to laugh

Belly laughs, giggles, snorts … laughing makes me happy. And, the easiest way to a good chuckle is via Interstate Read – located between book bound and nightstand pileup. Here’s some favorite funny reads for the pre-K to first grade crowd(ish).

A knowing laugh: Author Robert Munsch cracks me up – the kids too! Thomas’ Snowsuit is my life. However, instead of a brand new brown snowsuit, our daily challenge is with socks and shoes. My 5YO has been known to tantrum over socks being “too soft.” Too soft!!! Just like Thomas’s mother, I’ve stuffed my little flower into her socks/shoes and pushed her out the door. When we read this, Kid #2 plays the part of Thomas screaming “NNNOOOOO!” She thinks this is hilarious. Me?? The story makes me feel “less” crazy.

A snorting laugh: Don’t you love how the bus driver in Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus! leaves the reader in charge?! The only rule – don’t let that pesky pigeon drive the bus no matter how he pleads. I play the part of the pigeon – whining and begging and sobbing. The more I fuss and beg, the more my little one says “no way!” – in between snorts of laughter.

A ticklish laugh: Apparently, doing something you’re not supposed to be doing is pretty darn funny in our house. It’s certainly the case for Tickle the Duck! Don't you Dare!, which is a fan favorite. While I calmly read the story, the kids use their ninja-like reflexes to try and tickle the furry duck feathers or leathery webbed feet. Not the best book for bedtime because it usually breaks down into a family tickle fest!

A belly laugh: For a smart, fun story that Mom & Dad will like as much as the kid, pick up Tacky the Penguin. Tacky is an “odd bird,” who wears Hawaiian shirts and plays the accordion. He doesn’t fit in with the rest of his penguin gang – Goodly, Lovely, Angel, Neatly and Perfect. And, that’s what makes Tacky perfectly charming and funny. As the reader, there’s great opportunity to sing off-key, count wrong and infuse your own Tacky-esque tone and silliness to the tale.

cookie monster

This is a true story.

I don't totally know how to describe my daughter in words, because when I write about her it doesn't seem true. But if you don't know me/her - try and read these words and believe them if possible. She is really, really beautiful. She is extremely high energy and could literally go an entire day without sitting down. She is very strong willed and constantly says, "I do not want to do that." BUT she is the most loving person I've ever met. She's going to make mama of the year one day because she is so nurturing and loving. She gives better hugs than most adults and when she hugs you, she also usually pats your back and asks if you're ok. All that being said, this is a true story.

Yesterday Glory got up from her nap after about 45 minutes, which is super typical. If I get her quickly enough, she'll lay on the floor with me quietly and so we did that.

The two of us, covered up by a blanket, on the floor facing each other.

And she starts stroking my face. I'm not even kidding.

Most loving child ever.

Then she said, "Mommy - you're my best friend?"

(this is not a phrase we've ever used with them, I'm assuming she's picked up on me saying "best friend" in relation to mine)

Of course I said, "yes, baby! I'm your best friend!"

And my mind started reeling with the sweet life the two of us had ahead.

When we picked Daddy up from work, I couldn't wait to tell my husband about it, couldn't wait to tell him how her little question had made my day and given me grand thoughts of our future and how we were going to have this beautiful, respectful, best-friend kind of relationship.

So I looked back to Glor and said, "Tell Daddy who your best friend is!"

Her response...

"COOKIE MONSTER!!!!!"

nevermind.

Resistance is Futile

After school one day last week, I opened up my daughter Didi's lunch box and found this:



Guess what? I'm that mom who goes around announcing that My Children Don't Eat Fast Food. I'm allowed to say this because: a) I consider Jamba Juice to be a serving of fruit; b) Chipolte Grill serves only politically correct meat and organic salsa; and c) Togo's sandwiches is strictly a West Coast chain, not a multinational purveyor of sugar, fat, and salt. The point is, I saw Super Size Me, and now We Don't Eat at McDonald's In This Family.

"Hey, Didi," I said. "Where'd you get the fries?"

"From Mariah."

"Her mom brought McDonald's food to school?"

"Yup. Her mom is so nice."

My younger daughter Lemlem overheard this exchange, and came racing into the kitchen. "Look what Mariah gave me!" she squealed, brandishing this landfill-bound little treasure:







"Wow. Mariah must eat McDonald's a lot if she doesn't mind giving away her fries and Happy Meal toys."

The girls nodded. Mariah is so lucky.

It's breathtaking, how much forbidden, unhealthy and/or undesirable stuff the kids manage to get their hands on without my knowledge or consent; the growth of creeping, outside influences in their young lives is exponential. Resistance is futile.

For example, when Grandma Joan was planning her annual summer visit with us, she wanted to bring the kids some Silly Bandz.

"Please don't," I begged. "They don't even know what those things are." I reluctantly suggested she give the children flip flops instead, an item they'd been demanding incessantly but I'd been refusing to buy, because everyone knows Flip Flops Are Bad for Your Feet. The kids were thrilled to receive their new, dangerously unsupportive footwear from Grandma, and everybody exclaimed that Granny is so nice. Two days into the new school year, the kids were all dripping with Silly Bandz anyway, thanks to the generosity of their classmates with more permissive parents.

Lately, I've also been finding trash around the house that looks like this:



I naively assumed it would be safe to allow the kids to ride to summer camp with their friend Helen, because Helen's mom, C, is that mom who announces, Why Would You Ever Give Your Kids Jamba Juice When That Stuff is Pure Sugar? Imagine my surprise when the children returned from their very first day of carpooling with cups of Jamba Juice in hand. Were my kids the ones exerting a bad influence on others this time? I was too afraid to ask.

It got worse. A couple days later, the kids arrived home clutching gigantic blue and yellow cups.

"Helen's mom bought us icy things!" my son Gobez screamed, waving his cup around maniacally. "Made with Coca-Cola! And caffeine!" He called his Slurpee an "Icy thing" because he'd never even set foot in a 7-11 before that day; as for Coca-Cola, he still has no idea that the cool kids refer to it Coke, because his mother is inadvertently setting him up for social failure with her rigid rules.

This time I had to ask. What in the world had possessed my level-headed friend C to purchase and distribute such illicit beverages?

"It was wrong, I know," she said. "but the drive was long, and I needed some leverage to regain control of the van."

Point taken. I can't believe she was willing to drive my rowdy kids anywhere.

Unfortunately, C's totally understandable and isolated moment of human weakness has proven to be the gateway to sustained depravity in our household. Now almost every time that Daddy takes the kids out to give me a little break, he buys them each a Slurpee, because Daddy is so nice, and he has no backbone.

Pasta with Italian Sausage, Sundried Tomatoes and Broccoli

At our cabin, meals are simple and usually pretty quick. I also tend to serve up recipes that are more "kid friendly" as we can only boat in as much food that will fit into our large cooler. And if the menu isn't appealing to the under 4 foot set, well, let's just say cranky campers with low blood sugar are no fun.

This meal took about 20 minutes to make. It's simple yet delicious and everyone, including our littlest food critics, eat it all up in less time than it took me to make it. Substitute any other green veg for the broccoli if you prefer and asiago or goat's feta are also nice substitutes for the parmesan.

Pasta with Italian Sausage, Sundried Tomatoes and Broccoli
(Prep Time: 10 minutes/Total Tome: 20 minutes. Serves 4 hungry campers)

Ingredients:
1 pound whole wheat spaghetti pasta
about 12 dried tomatoes, reconstituted by soaking in hot water (not the oil packed version)
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 mild Italian sausages, castings removed
2 cups broccoli pieces
1/4 cup chicken stock
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese plus a bit more for serving
salt and pepper to taste

Directions:
Cook pasta according to package directions until al dente. Just before al dente, add broccoli and cook until crisp tender. Remove broccoli and run under cold water. Set aside. Drain pasta, put back in pot and set aside.

Place olive oil in a large saute pan over medium heat. Once hot, add garlic and Italian sausage and cook until sausage is browned. broccoli, chicken stock, tomatoes and drained pasta. Toss to heat. Add cheese and toss a bit more. Season with salt and pepper to taste then serve with extra parmesan cheese.

Cari Snell is a mom, wife and the editor and recipe wrangler of Can I get the Recipe? An online source providing weekly printable recipes, shopping lists, great giveaways and more.

Check out an abundance of family friendly recipes at http://www.canigettherecipe.com/

TALK BACK: Favorite Fall Activity

This weekend, we turned off the AC and opened the windows.  When the cool breeze hit my face, I knew that this was it.  It is finally FALL.

I love fall.  Mostly for the crispness of the air and the relief from summer's heat, but also because of the traditions that wait for fall each year.


So, this week's talk back is all about fall!  What is your favorite fall activity?

For me, it's going pumpkin-apple picking.  No, not a pumpkin-apple.  I don't know what that would even taste like.

We also do a joint pumpkin apple picking.  We like going to those family farms that offer a hayride, so we can ride in style to the pumpkin fields to buy a pumpkin.  And then, we swing by the orchards and pick bushels upon bushels of sweet, crisp, gorgeous apples.

It is one of the things I look forward to most this time of year.

This year, we will be pumpkin-apple picking for the first time as a little family: me, my husband, and the Great Potato. I can't wait for Potato to feel the air on his cheeks as he sniffs in the aroma of apple cider, pumpkin pie, and all sorts of fall goodies.

So what about you?  Any awesome fall activities to share?

Mama Love: Little Black Dress

Last week I went to Blogher – a huge conference for bloggers that was held in New York City.  In the evenings the conference has several cocktail parties.  As a busy mom of four, I am more familiar with yoga pants than snappy dresses these days, so I panicked a little trying to figure out where I could find a couple cute, flattering, and inexpensive dresses.  Luckily for me, David’s Bridal stepped up and offered to “style” me for the conference.  Beyond the wedding gowns and bridemaids dresses they are famous for, David’s has a huge selection of cocktail dresses.  Who knew?

David’s Bridal invited me to their flagship store in Manhattan.  Before I went, I checked out their website and had a few choices in mind:

When I arrived at the store there were even more options to choose from, and I think I ended up with about 20 dresses in that dressing room!  It was a lovely experience all around – their reps were great, the dresses were adorable, and I left with two dresses I really like to wear to the parties. Here's a little footage of the process:





(I love that little silver number and think it looks very Mad Men with the vintage shape and little rosette jacket, and had to laugh when they told me it was a mother-of-the-bride dress.  I only hope I can wear something that cute when my kids are old enough to be married.)



So now, the question is: which one do I wear to the OC Blogger’s Ball next weekend?

SUNDAY GIVEAWAY: The Secret Ingredient Cookbook

The Secret Ingredient, by Sally Bee, is much more than a great cookbook. It actually reads more like a novel. Sally Bee has an extraordinary story and the recipes that she shares are incredibly healthy, and tasty for the whole family (jackpot!)

My favorite aspect to the cookbook was that you can literally feel Sally's love for her children and life as you read. She suffered three heart attacks in one week at the age of 36. Her determination to stay alive (breath by breath), and diet have created this miraculous recovery that still astounds doctors.

One of my favorite recipes is her Thai Chicken Stir Fry. Yum.

We will be giving away a copy of Sally's fabulous cook book. Leave us a comment answering the following question to be entered:

"Are you a strict recipe follower, or do you 'color outside of the lines' while using a recipe?"

How to earn additional entries:

1. Follow our blog (publicly) and leave another comment (or let us know if you already are).

2. Subscribe to the Mama Memo and leave another comment (or let us know if you already are).

3. Blog about the giveaway, and link back here. Post your blog entry before you comment.

4. Add the Mama Manifesto button to your sidebar.

5. Follow us on Twitter and Tweet about this giveaway: "Giveaway- Win sally bee cookbook from @MamaManifesto. Enter at mamamanifesto.com"

6. Become a fan of Mama Manifesto on Facebook by clicking the button on the left.


[This giveaway will be closed Saturday at 11 p.m. and the winner will be announced next Sunday!]



And now for the winner of last week's giveaway:
{{{Sarah Carter}}}

Congratulations! Shoot us an email by 9/19 to mamagiveaways(at)gmail(dot)com with your prize in the subject line, and we'll hook you up! Keep checking back for more great giveaways!

TALK BACK: What You Wished You Knew Before You Knew Better

I followed a link from Twitter, which took me to Brené Brown’s blog, Ordinary Courage and this video:

She's right. It is too good not to share!

It had me tearing up. Not that it's that difficult to do. Ever since becoming a mom, I always feel like I'm on the razor edge of tears. Hormones, perhaps? I think it has to do with dealing with such intense feelings day to day- both mine and the kids'...

If you could go back to right before you had your first child, what would YOU tell yourself?

Man! Oh Man! What I wouldn't tell myself?!

First would have to be: Giving so much to another being doesn't mean having to give up on yourself. You have enough love to go 'round. Promise!

This post was originally featured on my personal blog, Formerly Gracie, with the alternative title, "Google Doesn't Have Children", which made me laugh out loud. Not in the ubiquitous Internet way. I really laughed out loud when I saw that!

Crossing the Line

I've been thinking a lot lately about the critical line that separates parent from child, thanks in part to TLC network's "Toddlers & Tiaras."

If you've never seen this program, congratulations! "Toddlers & Tiaras" is a guilty-pleasure reality show focused on the world of child beauty pageants. Each episode features two high-strung, frequently miserable little girls who are forced to wear sequined glitz wear, make up, wigs and "flippers" (don't ask) by their even more highly strung, highly competitive stage mothers. The producers try to include one semi-normal mom on each installment as well, who has a child who appears to genuinely enjoy the pageant life without stressing over its demands, no doubt to ensure the continued cooperation of the pageant folks.

Like many reality shows, the success of "Toddlers & Tiaras" lies in part in its ability to make viewers feel good about themselves at the expense of those willing to expose their quirks and foibles on national TV. So you were exhausted and snapped at your three-year-old when she spilled orange juice at breakfast? At least you didn't strip her down to her skivvies, blast her in the face with freezing cold spray tan solution, and ignore her cries for mercy. The other compelling draw, especially for me, is trying to make sense of the behavior of other human beings. What drives parents to spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars on a rhinestone cowgirl pageant costume for their daughter vs. saving that money for college? Why would parents line up to have their five-year-old judged publicly on her "facial beauty?" What kind of person tells a little girl that "you've got to smile and win that trophy for Mama?"

Maybe people not so different from you and me.

A recent episode I saw featured a pretty young stage mother with her own pageant background; she wanted viewers to know that she'd once competed against the actress Eva Longoria. About the time I grew thoroughly disgusted with the way this woman was driving her three-year-old daughter to tears with hair and make up, she looked into camera and said something like, "As soon as I knew I was having a girl, I was so happy. I always wanted to have a little girl to do pageants and cheerleading like I did."

I can't imagine wanting my daughter to enter a beauty pageant, but still, I found myself strangely sympathetic. This mother wanted to share something that had been a huge part of her life with her child, but somehow she'd gone off the rails. When Mommy is growling, "You will wear this wig!" at her weeping toddler, she's definitely lost sight of where she ends and the child begins.

I think most parents struggle with that boundary between our stuff and their stuff more than we care to admit.

The other night at a barbeque, for example, I watched as another mom struggled to get her eight-year-old son to thank the hostess and exit the party. The rest of the kids were crowded around the TV playing video games, and the boy whose mother wanted to leave couldn't keep his eyes off the fun long enough to comply.

"You're embarrassing me," the mom hissed. Her frustration felt a little over the top, since his behavior seemed totally normal to me, and no real reflection on her.

Thirty minutes later, my own eight-year-old son was pretending he couldn't hear my announcements that we were leaving, and instead kept kicking a soccer ball over and over against the side of the house as our hostess stood by with a frozen smile, waiting to see us off. As my frustration grew, I resorted to stealing the ball and grabbing my son's arm to get his attention. "You're done," I whispered coldly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw our hostess wince.

Like that other mom at the party, I felt my son was embarrassing me, just by acting like a normal kid. Like the hyper moms on "Toddlers & Tiaras," when I got furious because my kid would not "perform," I ended up embarrassing myself. Thank goodness nobody put it on TV.

TALK BACK: We Need Him to be Calm

So, my husband and I are often ill-prepared to take our son out to eat.  We forget the bag of many chew toys, rattles, and other things that usually keep him occupied for an evening.  It's become our habit to arrive at a restaurant, try to put a fussy baby in a high chair, and then curse ourselves for not remembering the toys and books that will keep him from flinging our plates, forks, napkins (or whatever else he can reach) onto the floor in sheer boredom.

We have discovered the magic of The Wiggles.  There is one video that is basically "crack" for our son.  He will sit there quietly for the whole hour and just watch.  Every single time we put it on.

And while I am sure I could get jailed for the amount of time I just plop him in front of the television set, there are times where we really require him to be calm.  I could tell you about the issues, the vomiting, blah blah blah....but lets just suffice it to say that he needs to be still for an hour every three hours.

So the Wiggles do the trick.

Except we still haven't figured out how to make that magic happen when out and about.

Until last night, when at dinner with our family, his Uncle Mac whipped out his iPhone and downloaded The Wiggles right then and there.  We propped the phone up against a shaker of pepper flakes and for the next hour, we ate our pizza dinner in relative silence as our son became engrossed in The Wiggles.  He even looked at the screaming kid at the table next to us as if inviting him: "C'mon, kid, I've got Wiggles.  Come watch and be happy."

So what do you do in a pinch to keep your kids calm?  Do crayons do it?  Is there a favorite stuffed animal?  How do you get through a dinner out without bringing a suitcase full of every toy imaginable?

I would like to hear your answers.  If not for the sake of everyone reading, just for my own benefit in the future!

sunday giveaway: some girls

Jillian Lauren has quite a life story, including being a member of a harem for one of the princes of Brunei.  This is the subject of her first novel, Some Girls: My Life in a Harem.  Her inside scoop to the modern harem life is fascinating, but that is not all to her story.  It begins with her own adoption, and ends with her current role as rock-star wife and tattooed mom. The journey she takes to get there is both relatable and extraordinary.   It is a tale of redemption, and we’re excited to be giving away a copy.  Leave a comment to enter, and check out Jillian’s blog at www.jillianlauren.com/blog.

 

To be entered to win, please leave a comment answering the following question:

"What was your favorite summer read?"

How to earn additional entries:

1. Add the Mama Manifesto button to your sidebar.

2. Follow Mama Manifesto on twitter

3. Follow author Jillian Lauren on twitter

4. Become a fan of Mama Manifesto on Facebook.

5. Become a fan of Rage Against the Minivan on Facebook.

[This giveaway will be closed Saturday at 11 p.m. and the winner will be announced next Sunday!]

And now for the winners of last week's fragrance giveaway:
{{{meeyeehere }}}

Congratulations! Shoot us an email by 9/5 to mamagiveaways(at)gmail(dot)com with your prize in the subject line, and we'll hook you up! Keep checking back for more great giveaways!

The Wire

My baby, aged nine years old last May, got a somewhat barbaric wire put in his mouth last week to prevent him from sucking his thumb, which he did for many, many hours a day.

Mom, it just feels so good, he said to me, over and over when I'd remind him to stop. He began sucking his thumb when he was literally a day old, and he never stopped. Because he's the baby and on the high-strung side, as compared to his older brother who threw out his pacifier at age three and never looked back, I've overlooked the thumb-sucking, clinging to the belief that surely he'd stop. How many adults do you see sucking their thumbs? I asked The Husband when he protested, sometimes in too strong of a fashion. I've also got a daughter, now fifteen, who is severely disabled. Her problems so completely dwarf my son's thumb-sucking that I admit to utter thumb-sucking monitoring neglect.

Frankly, I didn't have time to care.

When his Chiclet front teeth fell out a few years ago and the two big chompers grew in, I did realize that there was going to be some orthodontic trouble. And I watched, over the last two years or so as those front teeth became more and more pushed out -- or BUCK, as we called it, back in the day. I was no stranger to buck teeth, although mine weren't from thumb-sucking but unfortunate all the same. I restrained myself from nagging about the thumb-sucking but every now and then I confess to laying on a bit of guilt in the form of (big sigh) we're going to have to pay a lot of money to get braces on those teeth if you don't stop sucking your thumb.

But like he told me, it just felt so good and who was I to prod my son out of his extended oral stage?

The dark day finally came, though, when enough was enough and we went to his first orthodontist appointment. Happily, Dr. M felt like Oliver's teeth looked pretty good, other than the front teeth protrusion, and he suggested a simple device that would make thumb-sucking, if not impossible, not comfortable. We returned for several appointments that ranged from the traumatic (fitting molds) to the glory of having a metal apparatus that looks distinctly medieval soldered into Oliver's mouth. On the way to the final fitting, Oliver very nervously wondered what his life would be like without the ability to suck his thumb.

How will I lie on the floor and pet Valentine? he asked, referring to his habit of lying on the floor, his head on our dog's stomach, his thumb lodged in his mouth.

It'll be all right, I replied. You'll figure out something else to do with your hands. (Yes, I said that and immediately choked -- fortunately, Oliver didn't think anything untoward and continued to look very nervous).

With The Wire, Oliver's speech has changed a bit and Dr. M informed us that the new lisp would go away as he got used to moving his tongue differently. He also warned me that the first week might be particularly difficult. The first week, though, was relatively fine. Oliver, I think, got a kick out of the newness of the contraption in his mouth and even asked me to take a picture of it.

About a week later, though, the hugeness of it all appeared to sink in, and I went into his bedroom one night to find him shaking with sobs over his inability to suck his thumb. Why, he asked me, why can't I do something that makes me feel so good? Why did I have to stop sucking my thumb? I don't even need my blanky now that I can't suck my thumb. His pillow was literally wet with tears, and I sat by him, teary myself, rubbing his back.


I didn't have any answers and just nodded my head, affirmatively, telling him that everything would be all right. It would be all right. In fact, I felt terrible and didn't really have an answer to what, for both of us, were almost existential questions.


Elizabeth posts regularly over at her personal blog, a moon, worn as if it had been a shell.