I just returned from a lovely getaway with my kids. My husband needed to stay home to work, so I was flying solo with my 5 year old and 3 year old from the west coast to the east coast. For the most part, our flights were uneventful. The kids are both completely in awe of all things "airplane". The airport is their happy place. They giggle as the plane takes off and lands. They think turbulence is part of the fun. We had a bit of a "bumpy" section. The kind of "bumpy" where people are gasping and praying out loud. Callen was laughing and saying, "Do it again!" It was no day at the spa...I was definitely on alert and had my "mom antennae" up the entire time. But, the kids did great...no big meltdowns to speak of.
My dilemma was with regard to the airline I was flying on. This airline, which will remain nameless (okay, it rhymes with "mouthfest"), does not assign seats prior to the flight. They just put you in boarding groups. Group A and Group B. After the Group A people board, then they offer families a chance to "pre-board" before the Group B people. So, my kids and I were a part of Group B. We were delighted that we got to "pre-board" with the families in between A and B.
We marched our merry little traveling selves down the ramp to the entrance of the plane. We smiled at the cheerful flight attendant welcoming us onto the plane. The kids smiled and chatted to people as we walked towards the back of the plane. I noticed that in most of the aisles, people in the A group had taken the window and aisle seats, leaving the one middle seat open in between them. "Keep going, guys. We need three seats. Go towards the back." We kept marching towards the back of the plane. Middle seat open. Middle seat open. Middle seat open. Now, I can see the back of the plane and there are no more seats together. No more seats. Only middle seats open.
So, here I stand at the back of the plane with my two kids. One has been known to get motion sickness. There is a flight attendant standing at the back of the plane looking at me. Staring at me blankly. So, I say somewhat loudly in a cheerful voice, hoping that passengers will do the right thing. "We need 3 seats together and there are only individual seats left. Could you help us?" I am smiling. I am friendly. I am the mom who has it together and I am prepared. Snacks - check. Fully charged laptop and collection of favorite DVD's - check. Headphones splitter so that both kids can hear and passengers are not annoyed by kid movie noise - check. Crayons and paper - check. Books to read - check. Magnet traveling games - check. Emergency lolly pops - check. Empty bladders - check. I am smiling. I am friendly.
The flight attendant gives me the most patronizing smile and says, "I'm sorry, ma'am, what you see is what is available."
What?
I reply: "I am not really comfortable with my children sitting away from me." I point to my son, "He is three."
In my head, I am saying, "Oh no you didn't just act like that was no biggie! Lady, you need to step up and do your job or I am going to turn into a terrorist!"
Mind you, this is a 3 1/2 hour flight. Are you serious? You want me to let my two children sit next to random strangers? Not even in the same row as me? Not just across the aisle? Who is going to distribute the snacks? How will I decide who gets to watch the DVD player? And the big whopper - God forbid, but just what if there is an issue with the plane and we are going down - who is going to make sure they get off the plane down the big yellow slide, or have their oxygen masks firmly attached to their faces with the little ribbon things pulled snuggly? Seriously, you want me to put them in someone else's hands?
I am no longer the calm mom. I am starting to sweat and I am borderline really annoyed. Not just with "Patronizing Pattie", the flight attendant, but also with all the other passengers who are staring at me and NOT DOING ANYTHING. There were about 20 blank stares coming my way that were totally unemotional. I wanted to shout, "Where are the nice people on this plane?"
She looks at me calmly and says, "You can see if someone is willing to move for you." Then, she takes a breath and says in a totally sing song voice, "Is there anyone willing to move so that this mom can sit with her 3 year old?" The tone of her voice was more like, "I don't care if you do or don't and I don't think anyone should move for this lady. She is asking way too much."
I interject, "Actually, is there anyone who is willing to move so that I can sit by both of my kids?"
Pause. Quiet. Cricket. Silence. No. One. Moves.
Flight attendant is standing there staring at me with her head tilted to the side.
And, then after a few more seconds of awkward silence, a women elbows her husband and says, "Let's split up so she can sit with her kids." I wanted to be thankful, but I was actually really, really pissed that it took so long for someone to respond. I thank them profusely. I glance back at the flight attendant and give her a bit of my stink eye and will myself not to flip her off.
I did catch the eye of another mom who was sitting in between her two boys who looked like they were about 9 and 11. They were all 3 holding hands and sitting as a family. She had sympathy in her eyes. Her eyes showed me that I was not crazy.
After we sat down and were snapped in and settled and talking about the window shades and trays built into the chairs in front of us, I finally exhaled. I had a little mini conversation with myself of what my next step would have been had no one moved. I feel pretty strongly that kids should get to sit next to a parent or loved one on a flight. I actually feel so strongly that I will be sending a letter to this airline to suggest that families get to "pre-board" before the A's. (I did suggest that to the person checking my bags on the way home, and she acted as though I was crazy to think it was that big of a deal. What is wrong with you people?)
Of course, I had all these great ideas and witty one liners popping into my head the entire flight after we were settled. My favorite one was, "Who wants to sit next to my 3 year old who gets sick on airplanes? Don't worry, I have learned that if you make the magazine in front of you into a funnel you can get most of the vomit into the bag..." Or, "Here you go. My son is going to sit here. He tends to scream when we get to high altitudes. Sorry about that. I will be up there in 14F. I hope it goes okay. He likes cars."
Of course, I also had a debate with myself of whether I had unrealistic expectations of the airline and the people around me. I sat there wondering if I am an overprotective mom for wanting to sit by my kids. Was I asking too much of the people around me to want them to rearrange their seats so that we could be by each other?
What would you do if you were in my shoes? If you were an onlooker, would you stand up for another mom and help her get seats with her kids?
[Incidentally, as we were lining up to leave the plane, the "sympathetic mom" who had locked eyes with me for a quick second reached up and squeezed my shoulder and said, "By the way, I thought that was crazy that the flight attendant did not help you sit with your kids. She was really rude to you the way she handled that and how she talked to you."
Thank you, fellow mama, whoever you are! You have no idea how much that helped. I immediately felt way less crazy. And, to all you other people - business men, college students, casual travelers, you need to learn how to be nice people.]
My kids seem to wake up with the crack of dawn. That may have been great for our ancestors who need the sunlight to plow the fields, but I am quite fine with using the magic of light bulbs to illuminate my work.
