Baby Socks

I sat on the floor next to the open dresser drawer, trying to match socks to no avail.

"I think I'm actually really totally and completely losing my mind," I said.

Ryan calmly responded from the next room, "What's going on? Are you losing your mind over socks?"

"No. I don't mind the socks today....But our life is so busy and hectic and it's been so stressful, all this medical stuff with Asher, and how we have no time for each other, and you travel for work... and even though I know all of that...I still want to have another baby."

(He bursts out laughing.)

(I do too.)

I still can't find any matches for the socks, so I just sit there and look at the drawer full of small things, and I talk about how having kids just keeps getting better. I fall more and more in love with these boys every day. I tell Ryan I really want to meet another person who's meant for our family.

(He doesn't burst out laughing.)

(Neither do I.)

No matter how physically exhausting this season of parenting is, and no matter how hard parenting can and always will be, I still want that baby.

It's already going so fast.

I almost really did lose my mind as I said out loud, "In just over a year, Miles will be in kindergarten. Didn't we just have him?"

"And to think I thought this was all about socks," he says. And we laugh again.

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In so many ways I feel like I haven't even adjusted to having one child, even though I've had over three and a half years to get used to it. But as I adjust to the demands and overwhelming feelings, I see the beautiful thing that motherhood brings. This self-sacrificing kind of love is good for the selfish. I like myself more as a mother because it's forcing me to grow up. I'm finding I rather like being a grown up, even though I've fought it all these years.

And I know that the only reasons I wouldn't want another baby is because I want to get some sleep, I want to have some more time for me, and I want to limit stretching myself this much to only two human beings. Those are the only reasons. And maybe it's just me and that's fine, but I don't think those are good reasons.

So today I want another baby. I might change my mind tomorrow when I'm not in the mood for sorting socks. But today. I want another baby.

(Heather blogs daily at The Extraordinary Ordinary)