Honestly,

I am having a hard day.

I have a really bad cold and I am much less tolerant than usual.

But that's not why.

I look at my two little girls and try to remember what it felt like during my years of mourning and sadness, how all that I wanted in the whole world was to be a mom.

Much of me has forgotten that feeling.

Now that I am a mom.

But sometimes it is hard. I really love them, but it is really hard.

At bible study this morning I was prepared to ask for prayer for patience and for God to do some major work on my heart and on the heart of one of my kids.

But then a sweet woman who just moved to our town and is new to our church asked for prayer for her upcoming in vitro sessions.

My selfish heart broke into pieces.

I have been where she is right now. The fear, the frustration, the longing, the hopelessness. The last thing she needs to hear about is my small issues with my two darling daughters, as I sit there with an obviously pregnant belly.

So I cried for her. Her pain. Her waiting. The roller coaster she is on. Her prayers that have yet to be answered.

I went home, loved on my kids, grateful that I can be their mom. Even on days like this.

6 comments:

  1. I so identify with this, Julie! I have many days like this. There is a tension for me in allowing myself to acknowledge that this season of parenting can be so frustrating and challenging, and trying to remember to be thankful that i get to walk this road. I continue to try and train my mind and heart to think if the lovely, the good, the things that are "praiseworthy" in each moment.

    But, I have plenty of these HARD days right now too. And then, guilt kicks in for feeling frustrated and i spiral further.

    Thank you for sharing this. I am reminded to be thankful today!

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  2. It is important to remember that in your eyes your issues are not small! That other lady is dealing with something big also, but that does not make what you deal with any less important, trying, or exhausting. Stopping to appreciate it is probably one of the best things you can do to put things in perspective.

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  3. Lovely post. I have these moments of being a bit slapped in the face all too often. Someone will be going through something truly terrible and I'll realize, I.am.not.suffering. Not TRULY anyway, just on a smaller scale.

    But still suffering a bit on the hard days. That's true too. We are allowed to get frustrated. Motherhood is so dang hard. But a good dose of perspective is probably put in our paths every once and again for a reason. Maybe even to give us a little boost.

    Great post.

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  4. In needed that. Thanks so much for putting that into words.

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  5. I can identify as I have a boy aged 3 and am currently undergoing fertility tretments, I am on my second cycle (1st one just failed) of follistim injections with HCG trigger shots and IUI. I told my Doc the other day that the way I feel sometimes is that i don't even want another babba. - he tells me its stress. I just take a big gulp of air and carry on as Tim Gunn would say.

    anyway, gotta go and enter you giveaways. Lol. I LOVE your honesty in a blog!!!! - It means so much, sometimes I think I am the only one.

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  6. It felt so good reading this post. I'm certainly not alone. Thanks for sharing this.

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