The Next Survivor Series...

Have you heard about the upcoming season of Survivor? Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car, one preschooler, one toddler and one infant each. Each man will be assigned a house on the island, and will be responsible for decorating it, planting flowers outside, arranging to have the yard mowed and raked, and keeping it stocked with food and having it clean and presentable at all times. There is no fast food. All meals must be home cooked.

There will be an immunity challenge each week. The men will be given their three assigned dirty, hungry and tired children at 5 pm when the challenge begins. By 7 pm, the man who is closest to having all of the children's nails clipped, tummies fed, hair combed, bodies bathed, pajamas on, books read, teeth brushed, diapers changed and prayers said will be safe from Tribal Council that week. The remaining men will go to Tribal Council, where the children will vote one man off the island based on performance each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all his friends and relatives, and his wife's friends and relatives, and send gifts and cards out on time--no emailing. The men must plan birthday parties for the children, schedule and attend doctor's visits, pick up raw milk across the island each week, create or attend social functions for the children daily, drop the oldest child off at preschool and pick him up, give the younger children naps on schedule, visit the dentist and get the children's hair cut. Each man will be required to make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to Urgent Care. In addition to tending to the children, the men will also be responsible for maintaining close relationships with their adult friends while having only 7 minutes a week to get together with said friends.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup, have clean clothes on at all times and begin planning an evening meal no later than 3:00 pm three times a week. During the six weeks, the men will experience "morning" sickness that comes and goes all day long, sore breasts, vomiting, strange cravings and extreme exhaustion, during which he may not complain at all and must carry on all of his duties as normal.

Each week there will also be a reward challenge. The men will race to pay a list of bills with not enough money, while simultaneously talking on the telephone to the furnace repairman and nursing a baby. The man who completes the challenge the quickest will win the reward: A bowl of tabouli and one night of watching a movie on a mini dvd player, if he can get his three kids bathed and to bed on time.

All of the children must be given a firm spiritual foundation in addition to having their basic needs met. Bible verses must be memorized and Sunday school songs taught.The men will be responsible to teach their three children manners, their abc's and how to eat with a fork.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The last remaining man wins, but only if he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice! Upon winning, he can play the game over and over and over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years. If he succeeds without dying or entering a mental institute, he will eventually earn the right to be called MAMA.

-we found this online and could not resist sharing it with all the mamas...  We hope it made you giggle!

-ab

1 comment:

  1. hahaha. i read one just like this for a survivor series dropping corporate people into teaching situations. my favorite part was when it said that you could only go to the bathroom during recess and your 1/2 hour lunch break and i was like, i know totally! :D

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