TALK BACK: Getting Real About Mother's Day


What does mother's day mean for you? What feelings does it bring up?

I think that many special occasions can be bittersweet. The emphasis on mother's day seems to stir the emotional pot for many of us. We may feel elated about being a mom. We may feel honored and cherished. We may feel relieved that our kids our healthy. We may rejoice that we were able to have children after years of trying. We may feel strong and proud.

But sometimes, other feelings crop up with Mother's Day. Sometimes our expectations are not met, and we feel let down. Sometimes we don't feel recognized in a way that lives up to the promise of "Mother's Day". Sometimes we are reminded of the loss of our own mothers. Somtimes we feel pain over the lack of mothering we had as children. Some of us remember the painful scars of infertility. Some of us are mourning the loss of children. Some of us feel sorrow and can't even name it.

What does Mother's Day bring up for you?




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3 comments:

  1. I have had many difficult Mother's Day. For years, we tried to have a baby, and Mother's Day felt like a difficult reminder of something I desperately wanted. Then we were placed with our son, but his adoption was a huge question mark, and Mother's Day that year was confusing. This year, his adoption is certain, and we have a healthy daughter as well. I am excited to be a mom and celebrate motherhood with my family.

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  2. I also had quite a few mother's days where I felt like I was barely keeping it together. I had lost a baby in a miscarriage and had all these markers for myself..."If I could just be pregnant by the baby's due date...if I could just be pregnant by Christmas...If I could just be pregnant by Mother's Day...If I could just be pregnant by the next Mother's Day..."

    I can remember sitting in church in the midst of our infertility and having to bit the inside of my lip to keep it from trembling because it just felt so incredibly raw. I was so, so weary of the longing and that day intensified it greatly.

    This year I am feeling so incredibly thankful for my two healthy children and for the blessed gift of getting to be a mom. I also feel a great amount of sorrow and empathy for two women I know who have lost children in the past year. I know that tomorrow will probably feel quite heavy for them. I have been absolutely amazed by the bravery of these two beautiful women, and their blogs have encouraged me in a way that I have never imagined would be possible. If you are interested in walking along side of them, and in being amazed by these two amazing mommies, feel free to check out their blog sites...

    http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=93648088

    http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

    I hope that wherever you are tomorrow and whatever you are feeling, that you will know that you are honored and cherished as women.

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  3. I am a recovering Mother's Day-Oholic. (Hi Amy.) I am powerless over my desire for perfect Mother’s Days and Birthdays.

    In years past, my list of unexpressed unmet MDAY expectations went something like this:

    1.A fabulous outfit for me that is stylish and has matching shoes and jewelry and a purse. Ideally this outfit will be in a smaller size than last year.
    2.Have a great hair day with enough time to put on a full face of make-up before I get in the car
    3.Get at least one “Oh my goodness- YOU? A Mother? I never would have guessed!!! You look so young!”
    4.A great place to eat or something extra-memorable to do that includes ....
    5.Give the most treasured gifts to the mother’s in my life
    6.Engaging conversation the whole day through with all family members present
    7.Receiving something amazing from my husband (after I assure him that I really don't want anything)
    8.Children behaving brilliantly with lots of “Yes Mother” “Thank You Mother” and absolutely no talking back, crying, complaining or arguing with me or anyone in my presence. (all children under the age of 8)

    If any one of these pieces went awry, I would ask one of two questions. What is wrong with them? (Or) What is wrong with me? Has this ever happened to you?

    Today was an idyllic Mother’s Day for me. Instead of asking "What's wrong?!" I gave myself a little gift I call “Living With What Is”. Something to try.

    Four year old boys can spill their orange juice at restaurants. Onto a plate. That tips over onto the floor. Onto your sandals. My choice to wipe my feet off quickly and not scold my son is one of the things I like about myself as a Mom. Live with what is.

    A daughter may get a cold on Mother’s Day. And cough on you. Driving in the car. All through brunch. All through dinner. My choice to put my arm around her shoulders and pull her a little closer to me and pat her head is one of the things I like about myself as a Mom. Live with what is.

    A car in oncoming traffic may catch on fire. While you are speeding to your destination down the freeway. Black smoke billows everywhere. You can’t protect your children from seeing a vehicle engulfed in flames 4 feet away. Our chance to pray together as a family and beg God to protect all of us and send help is one of the things I want to do more as a Mom. Live with what is.

    Three generation of women (or more!) could gather together to celebrate this day: grandmother, daughter, granddaughter. Three generations share a meal. Three generations make their place in our family history. Three generations of stories to be shared. This makes me grateful as a Mom for all that my Mom has done in order for us to be together at this round table for 12. This is the first year I have fully appreciated my own Mom. Live with what is.

    Childishness.
    Sickness.
    Danger.
    Relationships.
    For all that IS Mother’s Day,
    Can You Live With What Is?
    Something to try.

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