TALK BACK: Keeping the Fire Lit

Romance can be a challenge with little ones running around. I find that after a day of kids climbing all over me, I just want to be left alone! This can be a hinderance in the intimacy department. How to you keep romance alive in your marriage?


  1. We used to laugh when people told us that they did this, but now with two children we find ourselves doing the same thing .... we schedule sex! Oh i know - awful! how old does that make me sound???

    Well it works for us. When I know that it is happening that night I think about him during the day, we flirt about it, we get the kids in bed on time, we don't sit around all night on our computers .... we know we have business to take care of!

    Now, we do still have our random spur of the moment sex, but more often it is planned! I know it sounds so dorky and lame, but at least we're doing it!!!!

  2. For us it's about having a weekly date night. We need scheduled time alone together, no kids, no distractions.

  3. We have not been so good about our date nights of late. For a while we had this magical date night happening and we alternated planning it. When it was your week to plan it, it was your week to organize the sitter and plan the night based on what your spouse would love to do! This small tradition seriously revolutionized our marriage at the time. We both found ourselves thinking about the other person so much...driving around town I would have my eyes opened looking for places that my hubby would be stoked to go to. It was sweet!

    Dreaming Big Dreams - we also schedule sex. It sounds so unromantic, but I think at some points in your marriage if it was romance being relied upon, it would never happen. We do still have the spur of the moment times, but for the most part we plan ahead. :)


  4. Oh yeah. We schedule sex, too. We try to have a date night every week, where we come home after the kids are down and have a little adult time. On the weeks where our date night doesn't happen, I can really tell! I am so distracted with the kids around, and a date night helps me remember that I am a wife, not just a mom.

    Of course there is nothing sexier than seeing my hubby empty the dishwasher!

  5. Sex? what are you people talking about?

    Oh! That (very) occasional thing that makes me feel closer to my husband?
    Okay, it really does. That's my input. Even if it's the last thing in the world that I feel like doing, it always brings about a connection that I've forgotten in the midst of daily chaos.
    Thanks for reminding me.

  6. i am totally new first comment.
    and it's going to be on sex!
    oh my.

    i would say that what works for us now is to just doit.
    yes you feel tired.
    yes you feel over done from little kids all day.
    yes it would feel good to just veg out in fron tof the tv and then go to sleep.
    but everything goes so much better if you JUST DO IT.
    as often as possible. that's the key.
    even with babies.
    your marriage gets so much stronger...that connection is so strong.
    and you both seem so much happier. all the time.
    so that's what works for us.
    the more stressed i feel, the more i know i need sex.
    and it's usually not the first thing i want to do (a nap or talk on the phone about it or a drink?) but it is a sure thing for de-stressing.

    that's my crazy two cents.

  7. glad we're not the only ones that schedule sex! making the first comment on this i was a little worried about being the "weird" couple!!!

    i agree about date nights. we love them and they make us better spouses when we commit to them!

    we're moving in two days ... BUT someone is keeping our kids tonight, so instead of packing the whole night we're also going on a date!!! a much needed time alone in the midst of craziness!!


  8. Yes, yes... we schedule sex too... and yes, usually it is the last thing I feel having!!!... But, we have some duties... and after all, even if I dont feel like, I do feel much better after, specially at night because I sleep good!... But sometimes I do want to have sex, I think mainly just before my ovulation: I am hungry all day long and want to have sex! (weird pre-ovulation, I know).
    Time to time, when we go to visit my parents in Spain (we live in The Netherlands), we have a chance to leave our daughter with them and have a real date: we go to have some tapas, to the cinema, a romantil stroll in downtown of whatever city, go back to the cozy hotel and... mambo!... This happen once a year, maybe twice if we are lucky...
    I wonder how could I like sex before becoming a mom and why now it's something unimportant to me???
    Misteries of life!!!

  9. Dreaming big dreams - I hope you get settled quickly in your move!

    Heather of the eo - I am with you on sex always, always bringing you closer. There are times where nothing sounds worse (I am being honest), but once we are in it and done, I feel so much closer to my husband. Like walls that I did not even know were there melted away.

    Meg - love that you went big on your first comment! Such good things to say!

    Margarit - jajajaja, sista! I am with you.



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